Hidden demons : A personal account of hearing voices



Article updated 20/10/2008



By Dr. Ben Gray

In this article, academic Dr. Benjamin Gray recalls his experiences of dealing with voices that other people could not hear, published with the kind permission of the author.





It is perhaps ironic that in over 10 years as an academic and researcher in the field of mental health, I never appreciated the suffering of people with schizophrenia and mental illness until I had a nervous breakdown that kept me under section in a psychiatric acute unit for 12 months.

Among the people I met during my time there was Rosemary. The last time I saw her she was waiting to be discharged from the hospital. She had no one to go home to, just an empty house.

Rosemary was an unassuming, quietly spoken woman, unremarkable apart from an air of sadness and loss. Rosemary had told me and many of the nurses that she would be better off dead than hearing any more of the terrible and taunting voices that kept her from sleeping. Better up there with her mother in heaven, she told me, then down here in the hell of the psychiatric ward with her voices.

Within a few days of being discharged, she was with her mother again. The nurses called a meeting in the communal lounge. There had been an accident. Rosemary had thrown herself in front of a train. The girl next to me at the meeting broke into tears.

Night after sleepless night and through the long, seemingly endless days on the ward, where smoking and TV stood in place of any attempt of therapy, I and my fellow patients experienced similar feelings to those of Rosemary, feelings of loss, isolation, pain, confusion and helplessness.

"You're alone," an insidious voice told me. "You're going to get what's coming to you."

Joy was different. She was a mother of two autistic boys and had a loving husband who would visit her every day and brought her cigarettes, the social currency of the ward. There was always a glimmer of hope in her eyes, despite the voices that urged her to set herself on fire and despite seeing people covered in snakes.

Then one evening, as the nurses dispensed medication while we lined up zombie-like, I found her in hysterical tears. She told me about the voices and the serpents. I held her for a moment, trying to comfort her, as the nurses were doing nothing to calm her down. I said it would all be all right and there was always hope.

"You're going down there," a voice that sounded like Joy's hissed at me. "You wait until you see what I'm going to do to you."

No one moved or looked startled. It was just me hearing the voice. I tried not to answer it. Better to ignore the voice, repress it and soldier on, I thought. I had seen others screaming back at their voices, and it had left me with feelings of consternation, pity and fear.

I didn't want to look mad, like them. Any symptoms of hearing voices would go on medical case notes, be raised as proof of insanity and keep me locked up in the hell of the ward away from family, friends and what seemed like a long-distant normal life.

I learned several important lessons: never admit you hear voices; certainly never answer them; do exactly as you're told by staff or concerned family or you'll be seen as ill; never question your diagnosis or disagree with your psychiatrist; be compliant and admit your mental illness or you'll never be discharged.

All the time the voices got worse. "Hot fire in your eyes!" shouted a voice to me in the ward.

There is little study of what schizophrenics' voices say to them, which would make people's experiences more valid and meaningful and also lend itself to a more human account of mental illness. People's experiences of hearing voices are silenced, which can only augment ignorance and fear, both in society and in the mental healthcare system.

To make matters worse, it is almost impossible to talk with other people and relate the pain that voices inflict when they are raging inside you and shouting you down.

John was a child of the 60s and hadn't seen his family for twenty years. Because of his voices they had disowned him. "Nobody cares," said a sad voice in John's intonation.





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    • Comments

    Leave a response

    1. Mikey – July 04, 2007 @ 11:40 PM
      Mine are aubible by anyone present and paying attention. I will put money on this, swear my soul on it. They'll have you devastated in a matter of minutes. Mikey
    2. karen – July 08, 2007 @ 11:51 PM
      I too am a mental health prof. However, after several stays in hospital i too learned the horrible 'rules' you described. Seeing it all wrote down moved me to tears, i'm so angry and sad that that is the reality of our care. Then the b******s wonder why we wont talk!
    3. Ben Gray – August 28, 2007 @ 12:05 PM
      I can well understand Mikey's and Karen's comments in response to my article, 'Hidden Demons', about hearing voices. Sometimes the voices that I heard were audible to me as well as other people and almost telapathic. Goffman also describes the 'rules' and 'degradation ceremonials' in the books 'Asylums' and 'Stigma' which are well worth a read.
    4. Tonya – October 13, 2007 @ 01:16 PM
      I spent about 5mos in a state hospital after being in and out short term. I've been hospital free for over a year but I am so afraid of telling anyone about my voices being back. I'm so afraid of going back, like those "rules" that you talk about. I'm so worried when I see my therapist writing during our session, I think he calls my mom and tells her what I say.
    5. Ben Gray – October 18, 2007 @ 12:22 PM
      Yes, Tonya, I have had exactly the same fears. The main thing to remember is that you have, as you said, been hospital free for over a year. That's really good and you should try to think about this when meeting your therapist, mental health professionals or your psychiatrist. In certain circumstances, your therapist or psychiatrist can disclose information about your mental health difficulties. In general, however, they have a duty of confidentiality. If you want anything you say kept between you and your therapist just say: "I would prefer to keep what I say confidential". If your Mum is your carer, then she will very much be worried about you and may need support from voluntary organisations or carer support groups, so don't leave her 'out in the cold'. As I said, you've been hospital free, so just think of that as a major achievement.
    6. Nick Meyers – October 28, 2007 @ 06:35 AM
      I started hearing voices at the end of 2003. For years it was a constant blast coming from all angles. Everywhere I went, they followed. When I woke up in the morning it sounded as if there were people just outside my window waiting for me to wake up. Coincidentally I felt everyone was talking about me in some sort of dual language. I felt this got taken as some sort of joke and was publisized on television. This seemed to be the big thing as everyone started giving a get out of here thumb. I thought there is an internet site about me or I was on the radio or something as people seemed to know who I was, however I have yet to find out what caused everyone to give this hand gesture. I think there has been a bunch of songs about me all sorts of stuff in entertainment as I felt I have been used as some sort of experiment which is mind reading. Suquently the movie Stranger than Fiction came out and is about a guy who is walking around with a voice that is a real person. I feel that I am not crazy but this really happened to me. If someone could tell me why everyone was giving that hand gesture it would relieve alot of tension from me.
    7. Ben Gray – October 31, 2007 @ 11:53 AM
      Hi Nick- I had a similar experience and the voices I heard shouted at me. The voices also used the same voices as people around me, which was awful as I never knew if someone was talking to me or whether it was a voice inside my head. Some of the people I met while in a psychiatric acute unit shouted back at their voices, and this was both frightening as well as making me feel sorry for them. I also thought people made hand gestures at me too, although in my case they pointed down, which I took to mean that I was going to hell. I heard angels and demons and actually spent a week without food and four days without water, as the angels said there was no hunger or thirst in heaven and that I would have to make my way to God. This was an experience I wouldn't want to repeat or recommend that anyone else attempts. One piece of advice that a fellow patient gave me was to argue with your voices and not do what they say- so it's more like a discussion on what you should do and which therefore always leaves you with a choice, and let's face it, choices are pretty thin in a psychiatric unit.
    8. Jane Smith – November 24, 2007 @ 12:24 PM
      Its nice to see people communicating freely. I was hospitalised 7 times. Once in Dunedin, NZ which is close to you. I was there visiting my brother. Its great to see people finally discussing the voices and people that they hear. The more I read the more I realise how similar peoples experiences are. Which makes me realise that we are all seeing the same thing which is interesting. I think the spiritual world as I call it is amazing but also at times very violent. One thing I dont get is why there is so much violence in this world. I was basically beaten senseless spiritually. What I went through was extreme and I ended up screaming in agony. But they way I was treated by mental health was worse. That I was locked away, held down, injected, degraded, and abused. Im still so shocked at the way I was treated. When it is so simple to except peoples experiences as real. I had to move states to get away from the abuse that I experienced from the mental health system. I cant believe it happened to me. I studied Psychology, graduated in the top 20 in my class got into honours and then assumed I would do a Doctorate and then possible graduate medicine and psychiatry. I then made the mistake of telling a psychiatrist that I see ghosts. They didnt let me leave and I was hospitalized for 6 weeks. Im lucky it wasnt a year as I dont know how Id survive the mind numbing boredom of being in a hospital. It was weird I went from someone training to be a mental health professional to being a patient. I was one of those patients that refused to give in. The pscyhiatrists just couldnt understand why I would simply call myself mentally ill and accept my medication. So I was labelled as treatment non-compliant and as having lack of insight which basically means I refused to abuse myself. So I escaped. Hilarious. I actually had to move states. Luckily I got away with it. So now Ive be criminalised apparently which is horrifying. So why is it that mental health is criminalised. That psychiatrists have the right to arrest, detain, medicate and withstrain people while giving them usually wrong labels. It so sad that we live in a world like this. They are currently reviewing the mental health Act is South Australia. Basically its that same scenario. People are basically labelled, then medicated and detained. It sick. So I hope there someone out there who likes to get political because maybe it can make a difference. But I assuming that it will just get ignored and they continue to lock away anyone labelled as mentally ill. It's hard sometimes having no one to talk to. Theres no support group in the state I live in and also I cant afford to ruin my professional reputation because it could effect my job. So Im living a lie. I dont tell anyone that I see people and that they talk to me. Did you know that currently theres a class action in Australia against the makers of Zyprexa. So if any of you out there have had harmful side effect from being given Olazapine you should get in touch with the lawyers in Queensland. Its on the net. Hope you are all well and happy and guess what you are not alone. There are millions of other people out there going through just what you are experiencing.
    9. Ben Gray – December 05, 2007 @ 01:25 PM
      Hi Jane, I was very moved by your account and like you have to 'hide' my mental health problems due to stigma and how it would affect my work. Apparently 1 in 8 people suffer from some form of mental health problem at some point in their lives, so you're right, we're not alone. Having said this, care in the community in this country (the UK) often means no care in the community, which can leave people with mental health problems feeling that they are alone. There are limited resources, little money, a lack of in-patient beds and the burden of care often falls on family carers, who have little knowledge of how to help someone in distress. In addition to this, powerful anti-psychotic drugs are over-prescribed and may be harmful in the long-term. In my opinion, psychiatry is too scientized and forgets that people like us, with mental health problems, are human beings with valid thoughts, feelings and emotions, however bizarre or strange these may seem to other people. I hope you stay well and stay out of hospital.
    10. Jason – December 11, 2007 @ 05:03 AM
      The first time I heard voices I was 11 years old. It was after my friends and I had played with a ouija ("weegee") board to try to contact spirits at one of my friend's houses. On my way walking home that night I heard voices all around me trying to talk to me. I was so scared I ran home as fast as I could. Over the next few years I got into drugs. First I smoked and drank once in a while. Then I smoked some marijuana now and again. Then I began smoking it all the time, and I began taking acid once in a while (LSD). That is when I really started hearing the voices again. I took an extreeeeeeemly large dose of LSD and after that the voices were very prominent. They would tell me to do things, like go grab some random woman's behind, or go say some strange comment to someone. They once had me convinced that everyone in the world was dying of AIDS except me, and I cried in school all day. People thought I was such a freak. I was I suppose. I quit drugs and stopped hanging out with my friends who had gotten me into drugs. I just wanted the voices to go away. I tried ignorning the voices and telling myself they weren't real for a year, telling myself that they were just the LSD lingering in my head. However they would do things to "prove" themselves to me. For instance I distinctly remember one day I told one of the voices it wasn't real, and it said, "Oh yeah... then how would I know you're dad is going to knock on you're door right... right... NOW," and just then my father knocked on my door. After that I decided the voices were real. I mean, what is more real then seeing through walls and telling me things that are about to happen? But I was still plagued by them. I would try to not listen to them, but they would convince me of ridiculous things (like the AIDS thing I mentioned) and instruct me to do strange things like go pull some random person's hair a little to annoy them or something. All this changed one evening when I was at a church meeting my friend invited me too. I had been to church before and would've liked to believe in God and Jesus Christ, but I just thought it was so much bull$#!^ and too unbelievable. But that night something happened. Nothing fancy. We all had hung out and done a habitat for hummanity type project and afterwards the preacher just read a verse from the Bible. I don't even remember what it was and honestly didn't even really listen to it, but I just know as he was reading it I felt like chains were breaking off my hands and shackles were broken off my feet. I felt free, and I began to weep. I had been unable to believe in God and Christ and then I just felt overwhelming beleif. I prayed, something I had never been able to get myself to do since the voices had started. I thanked God. The voices had never made me feel so free. This was a very, very good feeling. Since that night the voices have not bothered me. Literally. Like someone turned the switch off. That leads me to believe that the voices had something to do with the spiritual world. However, sometimes I think maybe my faith just gives me so much peace that it overcame my mental illness, and "demons" had nothing to do with it. I go back and forth between thinking the voices were demons at times and thinking they were just mental illness at other times. I suppose it is significant that I heard the voices for the first time after trying to summon spirits of the dead with the ouija board, and that was before I ever got into drug abuse of any kind (definately years before I tried LSD and even before I ever tried weed). Maybe it was demons. Then again, maybe it was just all in my mind... because they really took hold only after I started abusing mind altering substances. On the otherhand, perhaps demons are more able to iscrew with someone who is "sinning" (via drug abuse). I don't know. All I know is that I felt like I didn't have to listen to the voices any more after I became a believer. Even though they were "real" and they could prove themselves to me, Jesus Christ was even more real and the only thing I had to believe was his Word. I researched the history surrounding His life and death and found it to actually be believable (as long as you're willing to accept the 'paranormal' or supernatural... and the voices had already convinced me to accept that). Also, there have been instances where His Spirit interacted with me and produced "real" events in my life similar to those the 'voices' could... but much better. Like a peaceful thought will enter my mind and I just sense it is from God, and then I'll open the Bible and the exact word that was in my mind is on the first place I look at the first random page I open it to... So anyway, sorry for the long story. But I've never journaled or written this stuff down, and writing this gave me a good excuse to do that. Every once in a while I'll think I hear a voice or something, but it goes away very quickly (like within one second) and I think it is just my own thoughts (if that makes any sense). I just no longer have any problems with the voices. I wonder sometimes if they'll ever come back.
    11. Ben Gray – December 12, 2007 @ 11:40 AM
      Dear Jason, It sounds like you've gone through a lot and you're not alone. Many of the people I have met in hospital have used drugs and alcohol and psychiatrists even believe that there is a link between using marijuana and mental illness. One of the people I met when I was under Section in hospital told me that she saw people on fire and heard voices. She also said that she used to drink a bottle of vodka every night. She was very lonely. There were people who used drugs on the ward and strangely both staff and patients tried to avoid these people and called them 'junkies'., which is quite dehumanising. I've a friend whose experience is very close to yours, who basically over-dosed on LSD/ Acid. He too hears voices commanding him to hit people or shout them down. It's good that you've found faith and I find fellow Christians very supportive and understanding. In a way, psychiatry has tried to take over from religious or spiritual beliefs, leading to a narrow medical approach that depends on anti-psychotic drugs to control people's subjectivity, their experiences and behaviour. It's good that your only hearing whispers of voices now (I'm the same), which I hope means that we're well on the road to recover and have survived mental illness.
    12. Carl – December 15, 2007 @ 11:19 AM
      I have only heard voices one time in my life. After having been referred to a psychiatric ward unit following a very trying and difficult treatment at the hospital for ulcerative colitis which actually made me delusional. It didn't sound like normal voices, but the voices I heard was rather similar to the ones of animated cartoon characters, it was like listening to a prerecorded cassette of somebody's voice at double speed. At the psychiatric ward I also had a visual hallucination. I was looking at a doorway, and it was empty and the door closed, but suddenly one of the psych nurses just stood there, I had no idea how she had gotten there. First the door was closed and the next second she was just standing there, I had no idea how it happened. It was like a video recording where 30 seconds had just been cut. Anyway, I told the staff that I had heard voices and that I was afraid I was becoming schizophrenic, but they told me I wasn't. I was put on medication for the voices, and they never returned, not even after a couple of weeks when I was discharged from the psychiatric ward unit I got off the psych medication. The voices never returned, and this was about 7 years ago. I think the voices were triggered by the stressful state I was in after the treatment for my ulcerative colitis.
    13. Lee – December 16, 2007 @ 09:47 PM
      I have been hearing voices for almost two years. I hate them. They are evil. I hear things, such as the voices, I smell of evil smoke, I feel things, have evil dreams and I just can't go on much longer. I need help. I would like to know the medication you took Carl that helped you. The voices I hear claim to be demons from hell and want me to commit suicide. I don't want to hurt myself but I just feel that my situation is hopeless. If anyone reads this please help me and pray for me and when you pray ask God that I not get punished for telling you these things. I'm afraid of the future. I'm a christian,a good and honest person, this shouldn't be happening to me but it is. Please help me, please. I am even saved but I feel that this is not auditory hallucinations but possibly, I am somehow involved in spiritual war that is going on around us and that I don't have a guardian angel protecting me from the evil voices. I rarely get to dream, and I have memory problems,problably from God just making forget everything that I have seen in my dreams. I get tortured and tormented everyday. In many ways I have been tortured and I believe I will have a bad night by telling everyone these things because its the truth. Please respond and help me. I believe that if everyone who is hearing voices will just stick together, we can get through this in time. The one thing I have learned while going through this is patience. Again, please help me. pray for me and contact local churches and all churches and get them to put not only me, but everyone that is going through this on their prayer list, for a long time, to pray for us everyday until our suffering has ended. Please help everyone.
    14. Heather Carman – December 19, 2007 @ 09:09 AM
      Hi Lee Guess what theres somebody out there. I know what your going through and I know that it is real. If you ever need to talk just get in touch. Ill help you as much as I can. Where do you live? I live in Australia. If you want I can give you my phone number and you can call me if you need to talk to someone. Send me an email if you like at hcarman@hotmail.com and Ill give you my number. Hope you are going ok. Try and get out and enjoy the sunshine. Your not on your own. Heather
    15. Ben Gray – December 19, 2007 @ 02:24 PM
      Hi Lee, You're not alone. I had very similar experiences when under Section in hospital- with evil voices, rotting smells, terrible night-long nightmares and a fear that people were going to kill me, by hanging, and that I would go to hell. My advice would be to talk with trusted friends and perhaps charitable Christians at the church you attend. Having read your story I feel very sorry as well as nervous for you. Remember that you're stronger than your voices and a better person than the demonic voices that you hear. I would also strongly suggest that you have a mental health assessment. Although I disagree with a lot of psychiatry and mental health nursing, there are some circumstances when being in hospital, even under section, is preferable and safer to being in the community with the feeling that you are alone. I will pray for you and others like us, but strongly suggest that if you're still in distress to go into hospital as a voluntary patient, until you feel less lost and in pain and so that you learn to cope with your voices. You're not on your own.
    16. Ben Gray – December 19, 2007 @ 02:47 PM
      Hi Lee, I forgot to say that in most areas there are service user or survivor groups and self-help groups. You might want to try one of these as you'll meet with people who share similar experiences of hearing voices, gain ideas from people and strategies to help you in your daily life to cope more insighfully with hearing voices. You're not on your own.
    17. Claude B. – January 18, 2008 @ 12:56 AM
      I want to thank everyone on this site for their imput. I'm not one to have many voices, in fact I can often discern the voices I do get as my own, but even those scare me. I took very strong LSD a few months ago and since have had paranoid delusions that people around me are either demons, illuminati conspirators, not real, etc. I often hear the devil in my head trying to tell me he can kill me and that the road to being saved is to do evil deeds. He often either speak in hisses or in a low grumble that almost sounds like rocks crackling together. My saving grace is that it seems god also often speaks to me and tells me what is right and to be good. His voice is usually characterized as thunderous and booming or otherwise zenlike and wise similar to a Mr. Miagi. I find however that they often resemble my voice as well so this gives me some comfort. A young man named Jason wrote on this thread that he turned to God and found salvation in total and stopped hearing the voices. As I turn to God and Christ I also seem to find more hope and strength. I have heard many similar cases. It is wounderous how the mind works, sometimes you question if it is just finding power mentally, or if it does have to with a more esoteric and supernatural reason. All in all I feel better in Christ and even though for much of my life I have refuted the idea, I am looking to be converted to Catholicism. Everyone needs strength, and I hope all of you have or will find it. Just have faith!!! And once again thank you all for sharing and thank you Dr. Ben Gray for creating such a wonderful thread!
    18. Ben Gray – January 18, 2008 @ 10:58 AM
      Hi Claude, I turned to Christianity as well, which I think has helped me to cope more insightfully, well-roundedly and holistically with my voices. Similar to you, I also heard angels and demons. In my opinion, psychiatry is quite 'narrow-minded' and does not allow for the inclusion of voice hearer's experiences, hopes, fears, worries and even the place of their faith. Hopefully this will begin to change as the hearing voices movement grows and their is more user and carer involvement in the development of mental health services. They say that the truth will set you free, so all the best in the future for all of us who hear voices.
    19. Dean – February 07, 2008 @ 12:26 AM
      Heather, I've seen your posts on here in more than one place. Do you offer free help? There is no one here I can talk to about this. The one person I've told won't speak to me any more. I live alone so it's hard to know if anyone hears it. But my dog does. His reactions make it clear it can be heard by others.
    20. Ben Gray – February 07, 2008 @ 11:47 AM
      Hi Dean, There might be a local group for people who hear voices or who have mental health problems in your area. There's also the Hearing Voices Network (http://www.hearing-voices.org/), who have a forum that might help. MIND is also a good place to seek help.
    21. amy – March 03, 2008 @ 06:37 AM
      i have experienced the voices for years,and they too take the voice of people around me(almost if i can read their minds)..but i told myself that its an inbalance in my brain and the reason that the voices in my head take the voice of people that i know is b/c its something that my brain knows.and so i wouldnt hear them as much anymore,however lately i've been hearing these voices more..again. and its not just people that i know,its people out in public.and whats worse is i have been smelling a smell around me or on me that smells bad,for about a week now.and most of(not all) the voices in my head are telling me that i stink.i am a saved but back sliding spirit.im not real sure whats going on with me.so i had to do some research and i found this web site(which i can relate to).and also now for some reason in my mind i respond to the voices and they reply back and i know that its not things that i would say! and i know that im a pretty sane person(more than most people that i know,that are normal...they even tell me that!)
    22. Ben Gray – March 08, 2008 @ 12:41 PM
      Hi Amy, I had similar experiences to you, with voices of people shouting at me when I went out to town (escaping from the psychiatric unit on day leave). I also experienced a strange scent, but only once, and it smelled like rotting flesh or a corpse. I hope that you're learning to cope with your voices and get the chance to lead as 'normal' a life as possible. There is quite a lot of recent research that suggests that people who hear voices can live quite ordinary lives, given the right support and coping strategies.
    23. jason rothschild – March 10, 2008 @ 04:09 AM
      I have been hearing a single voice, for the past three years, the voice is coming from a living indian guru, she is very demonic, but she does not scare me. Has anyone else heard a voice from a living person?
    24. Ben Gray – March 31, 2008 @ 09:50 AM
      I used to hear the voices of people around me, saying very nasty and abusive things. Luckily, I only hear whispers now. It's good that you can cope with your voices and are not scared by them.
    25. Deborah – April 08, 2008 @ 02:39 AM
      I have recently started hearing voices. It always happens when I am waking up from a (usually restless) night's sleep. It sounds like a door has opened to a crowded room with people chattering (like in a busy restaurant). A few days ago, I woke up thinking a talk radio station was playing in another room. I went in to find nothing, but quiet. I was freaked out. Could it be I am mentally ill or stressed or just a 50+ tired woman who is sick of her job and life in general? I have been on Prozac for about 3 years now. Doesn't really help my depression. No, I'm not suicidal (too afraid of going to hell). I just want to sleep peacefully...and wake to peace and quiet. Any suggestions will be appreciated.
    26. John – April 08, 2008 @ 08:37 AM
      I appreciate everyones honesty. I have been hearing these same voices. I take meds that dullen the voices , but every morning and throughout the day until evening is an agonizing harrassment. Every thought i think I recieve comments from voices that claim they are fallen angels.
    27. Ben Gray – April 10, 2008 @ 02:33 PM
      Hi Deborah, It does depend on what the voices are saying to you and your relationship with your voices. If this is a first time episode, then the voices might go away. Prozac, stress and being sick of work/ personal life can all lead to a nervous breakdown (I know from experience). Is there anyone you can really trust (friend, relative, someone who you know who has had a similar experience?) that you can talk to and turn to for support? You may also want to see your GP (although if they think you're 'psychotic' and unwell this might lead to a voluntary or compulsory (a section) treatment in a psychiatric acute unit (and believe me, I found it awful). Maybe someone else on this web thread can advise better???
    28. Ben Gray – April 10, 2008 @ 02:42 PM
      I guess what I would say to both John and Deborah is that it's good to talk with someone trusted about your voices, who you know will care and try and support you. It's also good to try and think what's behind the voices (ie- I heard demons, so you could ask was it actaully demons talking to me or did I somewhere deep down think that I'd done something wrong and deserved punishment?). I haven't any solutions and agree that voices can really get in the way of a 'normal' and happy life. There's a good book that I've just read by Ron Coleman called 'Hearing Voices II- From Victim to Victor' that is a good read and very useful. Hang on in there and keep fighting!
    29. Ben Gray – April 10, 2008 @ 02:55 PM
      Sorry, I forgot to say that the book by Ron Coleman and Mike Smith (Hearing Voices II- From Victim to Victor) also says that hearing voices in not an uncommon experience and should have the stigma taken away from it. The book/ pamphlet also suggests ways of coping with hearing voices and helps you in thinking about looking for trusted people who will support you, as well as helping to work out your relationship with your voices. It's quite a short book so a quick and good read. Just another quick fact- Apparently 1 in 3 people suffer from some form of mental health problem sometime in their lives (Meaning it is not an uncommon or bad experience that will defeat you). All the best, Ben.
    30. Ben Gray – April 11, 2008 @ 11:34 AM
      Hi Deborah, I taked to two very experienced mental health nurses yesterday about your predicament. From what you say, they believe that it is likely that the voices come from your present personal/ life situation. They also said that Prozac does have some side-effects (although they didn't know if voice hearing was one of them). The nurses may or may not be right, as they don't know all the information about you, but I thought I would get in touch to try and help a little. All the best, Ben.
    31. jamie – April 14, 2008 @ 03:27 PM
      My daughter keeps talking about her "brain" talking to her. This has been going on for a few months now. She is almost 7yrs old. At first she only mentioned it every now and then. I asked her if she was just "thinking" inside herself but just not saying it out loud. Or if her brain was saying the same thing "she" was really saying when she talked. She said yeah so I just figured that she caught on to being about to hear yourself think in your head. She would only mention her "talking brain" every now and then. Usually to me or sometimes me and my husband. And when she did say something about it it was just out of the blue like, " I was playing and my brain said this or that." and she would go into this vivid detail of some made up off the wall story. I just blew it off as normal weird kid stuff. I don't attend church anymore but yes I do believe, I have my reasons. But my Grandma goes to our little family church every Sunday and has started taking my daughter with her. Lane, my daughter, enjoys it very much and has great fun going. She believes in God and Jesus and understands it all more than I would expect a child to. My Grandma asked me yesterday if Lane ever mentions anything about her "brain" talking to her. Oh no, I knew what had happened, Lane has being hearing her "brain" talking more and is now telling others, which she has never done before. I knew what was coming when I said yes and asked my grandma if she was talking about Lane saying her "brain" is talking to her. Of course, grandma said yes, exactly that. Lane has been telling Miss. Lucy, the Sunday school teacher, about her "brain". Lane has been diagnosed with severe AD/HD for almost 2 years now. She takes 20mg's of Adderal every day!! She can not miss a dose cause if she does all hell breaks lose. No one can stand to be around her, not even grandma, if she hasn't taken her meds. It took a long time to finally get lane's meds just right but we finally did last year around November and it's been great. She is a different person when she's on the meds. But that's also about the time her "brain" came about. For the last month and a half now she has slid into a hole. It seems like she isn't even on her meds, but she is, she has a very severe mood switch and a very bad temper. She is hateful to her little brother who is 4, screaming at him, demanding him at everything he does when they play, making him do stuff for her cause she is too "lazy" to do it herself. Then the next minute she's fine and just as nice as she can be to him. Like nothing ever happened. When her "mood" takes over I have to stop her and tell her to leave him alone. She hits him and screams at him, it's crazy how she can act at times. (Sorry I know "crazy" isn't the right thing to say but that's just how it seems. I don't know how else to explain it.) At times they will be playing nice and she will just out of the blue tell him to punch her or crap like that or ask him if he wants to "cat fight" ( we have cats so that is where this idea comes from I guess) and they pretend to be cats, hissing and clawing. I just assumed they are pretending to be cats and playing. but she is the only one who suggests playing this "game". And Lord, the way she acts with me is just getting to the where I feel like I'm going to have a mental break down and I am getting to the point to where I can't take it anymore! One minute she's fine and happy and then BOOM it's like she turns in to someone else, like a alter ego. She throws fits and screams and melts down over anything. She argues and will not stop unless she gets the last word no matter what. And then depending on how long it lasts, 5 minutes or an hour, it's like nothing ever happened. She goes on like everything is fine and nothing just happened. And if you ask her about what happened she just gives me this blank, stupid look like she has no clue what I'm talking about and says huh or " I don't know". Like she wasn't even there. What the heck?! She does the same thing in school one day or week or weeks she's fine then she turns into this little < I don't know what> and won't do anything the teacher asks her to do or her work or sit down and stop talking and moving around. Then the next day it's back to normal. I just assumed this was from the AD/HD. She failed school last year and was doing to great the first half of the year this time but after Christmas she just stopped. She could have pasted this year but it's like she doesn't even care and just quit trying and now she is failing again with no chance of passing. She gets special help at school every day and the school knows about "her" problems. Not the "brain" thing though. I have requested that she be put in special education for next year cause I believe she really needs it and maybe that's the only way she will make it in school for now. But it has gotten to the point where my husband says she needs help and something is more wrong with her. I believe so to and I fell at loss cause I just can't handle her anymore before I end up snapping and going to the hospital for me. I know mental illness can run in families. My mom is bipolar with severe depression( I had depression but have learned to shut it out) and post tramatic stress. I have an uncle on my dad's side who is schizo in the worst way. I'm bipolar, OCD, and have severe moods myself. But I can control mine now, for the most part. But I'm afraid she's going to push me too far and I'm going to snap. Not on her, that's not what I mean. I mean go back into a state where I can't handle being around people anymore and go back inside of my head again. Like my own little world and block others out, shutdown, I don't want to or have the time ( i also have the 2 boys ages 4 and 1) to go back in the hospital again. I've been twice and that was enough for me. ( Me, that's a whole different story) I'm so afraid she is going to turn into me if she hasn't already done so or worse. She's only 7. I'm afraid of how this all will affect my 4 yr old also because of how she treats him, nice one minute then the evil little demon she becomes. I'm afraid he's going to have to "do something" to cope with all this. The tension is so high in the house and knife isn't big enough to cut through it. We try to act as normal as we all can and like everything is normal and we do till Lane flips out yet again. I believe this is way more than just AD/HD. But her doctor acts like meds will get rid of anything. He says "how is she doing, ok lets go up on the mg's and try this." Hey, I've been there. I know all too well about all the meds being changed constantly trying this or that and finally you wake up one day and realize "Hey, I'm taking 10-20 pills a day just so I can try to act like everyone else, what the hell happened to me?" I don't think a hospital is going to do her any good cause it's a controlled enviroment. She would never have a "mood" there except for when they try to give her meds maybe (that's a power struggle and sets a mood every morning till after she finally takes it and acts like nothing happened again). At home or else where in the REAL world where she has as much freedom as a child can have is where she does her "flipping or moods" as I call it. I hear about bad kids or tantrums and all the crap but this isn't the same and I don't know anyone who can relate to this. I need someone to please tell me what the heck I should do that is in the best interest for Lane. Not what can help them to deal with her. Please, anyone...
    32. Ben Gray – April 15, 2008 @ 07:17 PM
      Hi Jamie, It sounds like a very very difficult situation. Do you have any family support? Family support workers might help, as they specialise in children and families, especially with respite care and giving parents a break. They take kids out on trips too. An empathetic child psychologist might also be of some use. More generally, have you tried rewards to encourage good behaviour (for example, a colourful wall chart with stars for good behaviouror a treat each time Lane does something nice)? I'm no expert, but the medication sounds like it's not working. Can anyone else suggest something?
    33. Adrienne – April 18, 2008 @ 04:51 AM
      Hi Jamie. You should read the book "your Drug May be your problem". Quite often there can be serious side effects to medication given to children for ADHD. I am not sure about adderall, but I read in the book that ritalin can cause side effects of depression etc, as it is an amphetamine after all. She would cause Hell if missing a dose, due to withdrawal symptoms. Many prescription drugs can cause severe withdrawals when taken off them, leading people to think that they therefore need more. Strangely some of these psychiatric drugs can cause depression and manic episodes, the very thing they are meant to treat. There is also a good article on this about site about Children Hearing Voices. Also there is a lot of research done on children with ADHD and nutrition by a man I have met called Woody McGinnis. You can google him and read some of his research, or email me. I am from the Hearing Voices Network In NZ at hearingvoices@woosh.co.nz and I will send you some of the info from his lecture. he also does work with autistic children and says that the nutritional deficiencies are similar, and can be quite profound. He had a child with severe adhd, which he treated successfully with Zinc, Vit B5 supplements among others. Zinc drops seem to be very effective in calming adhd children, as well as avoiding foods that are high in additives and processed products. Many people are not even aware the effect drinking soft drinks can have on a child. You can have tests by Doctors or naturopaths to see what you maybe deficient in.In can be quite surprising. He said that their bodies are killing off all the oxygen cells, and many have pale skin and blonde hair as a result of it coming through the skin as hydrogen peroxide. His sons hair went from Blonde to brown after taking zinc supplements. Foods that are antioxidants are also advised such as broccoli, blueberries. Regards Adrienne
    34. Ben Gray – April 18, 2008 @ 09:58 AM
      Thanks Adrienne for your support of Jamie- Sounds like very good advice.
    35. Pat – April 19, 2008 @ 07:36 AM
      I have heard voices claiming to be demons for 8 years. I can even blast music and I will still hear them but if I listen to talk radio even at a low volume I do not seem to hear them. I hope this might help someone else.
    36. Ben Gray – April 22, 2008 @ 12:47 PM
      Hi Pat, Thanks- I've heard voices from the TV before, so this will help.
    37. Pat – April 25, 2008 @ 12:36 PM
      Hi Ben, I was just wondering if you might consider any of things that happen to you supernatural. For example: My voices will start saying things like "I can't believe how stupid this guy is." or "What a f#cken idiot." just before I make some kind of stupid mistake. It has become quite evident to me that they are always referring to these mistakes before they happen. I don't mean to scare anyone but I would just like to know if anyone has experienced the same type of thing. Thank you
    38. Ben Gray – April 25, 2008 @ 12:56 PM
      Hi Pat, I had the belief that both angels and demons had forewarned me about the terrible events of September 11th at the Twin Towers in New York. I also had a dream about a girl I saw a few times at University and she was drowning in the dream/ nightmare. So when I saw her next (I didn't know her but had just seen her around campus), I asked her if she was going on holiday and she said "yes", then I asked her if she was doing anything with water and she said she was doing some sort of water sport with waterfalls, then I tried to warn her but found it very hard (and irrational/ crazy) to articulate the dream's danger. Weeks later I saw in the local paper that she had drowned while on holiday with her mother. I remember feeling sick both about September 11th and the dream. Finally, when I was about 17 I had a very good friend who was into motorbikes. He invited me to go to a local motorbike show. I said "fine" and then it was as if an angel spoke through me: "Don't go, there's going to be an accident!", the angel said. "What accident", my friend said. "Oh nothing", another voice (a demon), said, "There's not going to be an accident". Unfortunately he (my best friend) died in a terrible road accident on the way to the show. This all sounds very crazy and would no doubt be called 'psychotic' but I did experience the supernatural/ religious and perhaps failed to act on the warnings I was given??? Has anyone had similar experiences? I would be interested to hear?
    39. Ben Gray – April 25, 2008 @ 01:32 PM
      Hi again Pat, I think that a good point that needs to be made is that supernatural/ religious, strange or bizarre experiences and voice hearing should not be discounted and rejected (as psychotic or delusional, as done by most psychiatrists). It's good and important that voice hearers should communicate their experiences to other voice hearers, trusted friends and family and sympathetic health professionals in order to encourage discussion, debate and an understanding of the voices and what they mean. Rufus May (a clinical psychologist who was diagnosed as schizophrenic when a teenager) does this in his work, as shown very recently on Channel 4 TV (UK). The only person I have ever revealed the above supernatural/ religious beliefs to is a priest (who blessed me and said a prayer for me) but it's important that people who hear voices should communicate their voices and experiences to one another as well as to sympathetic people like Rufus May, Ron Coleman, Romme and Escher and through organisations such as Intervoice and the Hearing Voices Network.
    40. Pat – April 25, 2008 @ 04:38 PM
      Hi Ben, I agree that it is best to be able to discuss the experiences of hearing voices and all , but only with other people who hear voices. In my experience, I have found that there is such a stigma related to hearing voices that people, including doctors, treat you differently when you discuss them. I have very little use for the mental health system in my area. I have been treated with nothing but patronization and disrespect from them (Excluding a few of them who were good to me.). I was taking medication that made me no longer hear the voices but I did not like the side effects from it, so I am now trying to cope without medication. I hear them most of the time if I am not watching television or listening to talk radio. It sometimes does get very scary when I am hearing them and strange things do seem to happen but so far I have been able to deal with it. No one else in this world is even aware that I am presently hearing voices because it tends to scare my wife when I do tell her I am hearing them and I do not feel the need to tell anyone else at this moment. It has gotten very bad in the past when I had psychotic episodes but I was not as prepared to handle it as well as I am now. I use to let the voices scare me and I believe it was justifiably so. I would be in bed late at night and they would tell me that if I fell to sleep that the devil was going to possess my body and kill my family and at that time I wasn't prepared to take that chance, so I would get out of bed and go to the emergency ward at our local mental facility. (This happened quite a few times until I started to figure out that most of the things the voices said were full of sh#t, but the thing still scares me a bit is they do seem to know some things that I do not.) If it was not for television or talk radio then there is no way I could ever handle this without medication. I have never gone longer then a few months while hearing the voices without seeking professional help and getting medication. I am hoping that maybe just maybe this thing will run it's course someday and I will no longer hear the voices without medication. This has truly been a nightmare that I am desperately trying to wake myself from. I don't know if I can beat these voices but one thing is for certain, I will never give up!
    41. Pat – April 25, 2008 @ 09:04 PM
      I just want to list off some of the things that I hear the voices say either to me or to each other. "This is the stupidest guy we've ever done this to" or "You are the stupidest guy we have ever done this to." "We are going to torture you more than anyone has ever been tortured in Hell." "The Devil just went into your body." "You have no Idea what we are going to do to your daughter." They comment on my every thought and action so they say a lot of other stuff but those lines are the ones I hear repeated the most often."
    42. Ben Gray – April 26, 2008 @ 11:23 AM
      Hi Pat, Your voices are horrible and it's understandable that you only want to talk to other voice hearers about them. Have you gone to any voice hearer support groups or the Hearing Voices Network- It might help??? I hope that you can stay off medication and out of the acute psychiatric unit. Keep fighting!
    43. Sophia – April 26, 2008 @ 06:37 PM
      Hello, I've heard voices for almost four years now. It happened when I was nineteen, much like one of the other posters here, I was a psychology major at a very good science college and studying pre-med. My experience came after using ouiji boards. The only good I think that can come from the fact that it did come immediately after using the boards was that I knew I wasn't crazy. I saw ghosts. However, knowing I wasn't crazy offered very little consolation from the voices that screamed and belittled me. I went from not hearing anything to hearing SO MUCH ALL THE TIME. It was so loud I couldn't hear anyone else when they talked to me. I just stared at family and friends when they asked what was wrong with a big blank look and kept saying, "what? What? I can't hear you." I too spent my time in a mental institution. The experience was degrading. They treated me like I was stupid, as if I were little kid, and kept asking why I was acting so wierd. Was it my family? My relationship with my dad? My ex boyfriend? I never told them about the voices because I knew what they would do to me if they knew. But I couldn't act normal either. The voices abused me mentally and they attacked my body physically. I grew sick. I couldn't walk anymore. I was weak and fatigued. I lost weight. My body was in constant, agonizing pain. The pain would get so bad that I would pass out from it. The pain would make me scream out loud in a way that I never knew was possible to even feel so much pain to begin with. The voices would torture my mind and torture my body. I started shaking and having uncontrollable seizures. I dont' know how long the violence would've lasted. I became paranoid and I think I really did start to go a little crazy. I started thinking everyone was out to kill me. I told myself my body was in pain because I was being poisoned by my family and the voices encouraged the idea, telling me everyone was trying to kill me and that was why everything hurt so bad. Anyway, eventually I got some of my senses back and I began doing research on herbal remedies (I was in a deep hatred for hospitals and their methods by this time) and was convinced natural was better. I went to the grocery store and bought every single type of tea and plant available on the market and began drinking them all, all day and night (Since I didn't know what I needed, I figured I'd try them all). Surprisingly, after about a month, my health improved. The voices became less violent, and slowly there were less and less voices at all. I still hear voices, of course, but not the way I used to. It's a little more mild now and I have been able to go work again. They're no longer as violent and accusing but they're still always present and very irritating. At least they're quieter now. I only hear about two voices at the same time now whereas I used to hear up to twenty at once and like I said, they're not nearly as loud and violent. It's hard to believe it's already been almost four years since this whole thing started. I miss my privacy. I hate that I constantly feel like I'm being watched. I have to monitor my thoughts because the voices constantly listen and judge me. I woke up this morning crying because I was so upset that I have no privacy anymore and that was when I reminded myself that I'm not alone and there are other people in the same situation.
    44. Pat – April 27, 2008 @ 02:22 PM
      Hi Sophia, I can really relate to the things you said. I just want you to know that no matter how bad it gets, there are always things that can still be enjoyed in life. Try and not let the voices take all of the pleasures from your life. I find that this is the only way to hold on to any sense of sanity. I realize that it is not always easy but I always try and take a look at whats going on around the world and tell myself there are people a lot worse off than I am, so I should try and be thankful for the things that do bring me enjoyment in life. You sound like a very intelligent young woman and I am sure you will be able to find some kind of peace even if the voices remain. Remember, do not ever take what the voices say to heart for they just want you to lose your will. I am definitely no expert on this subject but I have gone through many of the things you described and I find these are the things that work best for me. I try to find as much humor in things as I possibly can. I love a good laugh and that is one thing that the voices will never take away from me. I wish you the best of luck and hope things will get better for you from here on.
    45. Pat – April 28, 2008 @ 12:46 PM
      HI Ben, No, I haven't joined any type of support groups or anything like that. Things have actually been going pretty well for me the past few days. The voices seem to have greatly diminished and I have had a lot more energy than usual. It's does seem to be very good to be able to share some of my experiences here. I don't think I would ever go out and join any type of support group because that would be a little bit too time consuming for me. However, I do have a question for you. With you being a doctor you would probably have a lot more insight on this. Whenever I did seek professional help the doctors almost seemed to avoid the fact that I was hearing voices of demons like it scared them a little. They acted like demons didn't exist but at the same time they acted like they were frightened to discuss it too much. Do doctors have the view that there is a good chance that these demons truly do exist but they just don't want accept it or they are fear to accept it.
    46. Ben Gray – April 28, 2008 @ 05:38 PM
      Hi Sophia and Pat, I really liked reading your stories and thoughts about hearing voices (although it was difficult and painful to read about your hardships). I'm glad that the voices are growing quieter for you both (mine are just occasional whispers now). I agree with you both that psychiatry and being admitted to a psychiatric acute unit is degrading and anything you say can be taken out of context and construed as crazy or psychotic. It's good that all three of us have come up with more holistic, alternative and personal ways to deal with hearing voices. I don't think doctors believe that demons exist as they think of themselves as scientists, but yes I do think they many psychiatrists are afraid of the religious/ spiritual and supernatural (as science can't explain these phenomena). I went to a conference recently, where Ron Coleman spoke very eloquently. He said that a patient of Marius Romme (an eminent and 'radical' psychiatrist) had said: "How come you can go to church and talk to God and that's okay, but when God talks to me I'm insane?".
    47. Sophia – May 02, 2008 @ 05:08 PM
      Hi Pat, thanks so much for your kind words. I felt the same way when I read many of the stories on here. I found that I can really relate to the stories on here and somehow it gives me a little more strength knowing that I"m not the only person that has to go through this
    48. Sophia – May 02, 2008 @ 05:20 PM
      Hi Ben. I completely agree with you about the supernatural!!! I just think it's amazing because a lot of stories I hear from the few voice hearers I've met always tell me they've seen demons or angels or something from the paranormal, but the second a doctor catches the slightest idea of what you think you're hearing, they accuse you of being crazy. I had so many people telling me I was making it up. The experience in the mental institution was indeed very degrading. I was surprised by how mean and condescending the doctors were. I couldn't believe the way they were allowed to treat another human being. I love the quote you added at the end. It really clicks.
    49. Ben Gray – May 07, 2008 @ 11:09 AM
      Hi Sophia- It is good to share stories, get support from each other and agree that present psychiatric treatment is degrading, quite condescending and narrow minded. Unfortunately (or perhaps wisely?), I haven't yet put this point to my psychiatrist (who's quite old-fashioned and believes in the effectiveness of antipsychotic medication). I have the intuition that if I say to my psychiatrist (or other member of the mental health team, such as a mental health nurse or even my GP) that medication is pretty useless and that voice hearing can be a positive experience that I might find myself admitted to an acute unit pretty swiftly. So I'm afraid I'm a bit of a 'coward' and just agree with mental health professionals that medication is good, that voice hearing is 'bad' and an illness and that I should continue taking a reduced dosage of clozaril (an antipsychotic). I guess another thing to learn from this is that no single one person can stand up against the power of psychiatry by themselves, so it's good to share stories and convincing criticisms of psychiatry so that we 'stand together'. It would be good if the hearing voices movement, such as Intervoice and the Hearing Voices Network, could somehow bring this together, in a concerted criticism of psychiatry by its members (us!) to change things. Sharing stories certainly gives us strength, but imagine what it would be like if we could convert this strength into change of the mental health system.
    50. Sophia – May 08, 2008 @ 04:43 AM
      Hi Ben, You're absolutely right. I would love it if a group of people would stand up against the type of psychiatry that our countries practice. It's not that I completely condemn the practice of psychology but I feel that we, as human beings, have made it into a high and mighty criticisms of our fellow man, where doctors believe they are smarter and better and can just pop a pill into any man's mouth to make him "normal". Another bit of advice I wanted to share that i actually stumbled upon quite recently, and i did hear someone mention before that yelling at the voices help when they're being negative, is that if you sometimes say in your head to them (or out loud really loudly if you're alone and they're really getting out of hand), leave me alone please, go away please, don't embarrass me please, don't hurt me please, get out of my head please, it helps make them go away. It worked for me so if anyone's having problems, at least give it a try and hopefully it'll help them too.
    51. Ben Gray – May 08, 2008 @ 05:37 PM
      Yes, a fellow voice hearer told me that it can be good to argue or respond to your voices (to answer them back). I would recommend that people might try this in private or with a therapist or very close friend who understands. I knew a girl who shouted all the time on the psychiatric ward where I was Sectioned and I think mental health professionals see shouting back at your voices in public a good excuse to give the person a sedative, which certainly calms people down but doesn't resolve the issues, the voices or any underlying problems.
    52. lin – May 17, 2008 @ 04:03 AM
      nick - I was told I was on TV, and someone would be proud of me - I just said 'oh', and carried on with what I was doing - it is not real, and I suggest the action was to wave it away as nonsense - neither are you mental - I suggest you get out and live your life, with my best wishes
    53. Ben Gray – May 20, 2008 @ 10:03 AM
      Hi Lin, Yes, it's our relationships with other people that can alleviate the voices and make them more bearable. "If you're going through hell, keep going!".
    54. Ben Gray – May 20, 2008 @ 10:04 AM
      Hi Lin, Yes, it's our relationships with other people that can alleviate the voices and make them more bearable. "If you're going through hell, keep going!".
    55. donnie – June 01, 2008 @ 07:25 PM
      i have testified on many topics here in intervoice but this 1 is in responce to nicks statement on hand jestures ive been hearing them for 9 years so my testimony could go on and on but back in the begining when i almost went insane i was told by a voice to look in a certin direction and to my suprise was 2 peaple waving at me i think peaple i hear in my head from my experiance voices cant hurt you but can make you hurt yourself if our world has this tecnolagy do you think it is for good or evil if i were a part of someones sycotic disorder i wouldnt think it would be a good thing i was doin it is a war in the mind could be something to do with revelations in the bible stick close with god and the voices are easier to live with when i werent so close to him the voices were much louder voices that are hateful can create bad thoughts in your mind and the ones there can see and so can the LORD your thoughts can be sins as well if any of you voice hearers are going through hell i hope life gets easier for you it was tough for me a long time before it got better anybody could tell something was wrong but not now no one can even tell i hear them so if you aint saved get saved and thats a start if you are keep praying BOD BLESS
    56. donnie – June 01, 2008 @ 08:46 PM
      pat in the begining of my hearing voices my 5year old daughter went freinds and there family on an activity they manage to let me hear what sounded like my child being in a bad acident boy i was histericaly freiked like demons they are desieving but thats evil
    57. bunny – June 04, 2008 @ 02:36 AM
      i want to say that my daughter hear voices for the pass 5 years and i would like you to know that the reason why i do not like to take her to the hospital when she has break downs is because, the hospital will take and lock her up in a room treat her like she has broken the law, they do not treat the people good at all. i live in york, pa and the people at the hospital will not help you at all. i don.t think that they understand what mental illness is. they just give you a pill and send you home. or they will try to keep you at that hospital and won't do one thing for you. my daughter has been lke this for years and i cannot get no help because where i live i cannot afford the help and i don't have the money to get to the right people to help her i wish that i did have the money to get the help that she need. but i do pray each and every day that something some some body will help us.
    58. Ben Gray – June 05, 2008 @ 10:09 AM
      Dear Donnie and Bunny, Just to say keep fighting for yourselves and your family. The mental health system is very degrading and unhelpful, I think. I hope you can both find good people who try to understand and give you support. All the best.
    59. Dana M – June 26, 2008 @ 07:12 PM
      Ive heard voices saying that i was going to die for 5months. Tellinjg me that pain hasnt begun, and nobody cqan help. Ive cried out to family, and everyone wants to help. Nothing, but confusion and fear, horrid fear of hot things, people. Have seen eyes on posters light up and felt weird things and feel sure that something has got ahold of me. Scared to go to sleep for the past 6months everynight thopught I wasnt gonna awake. my father is involved and speaking in tongues andtalks about spirits and curses. Has anyone ever heard of anything like this?!
    60. joshua – June 27, 2008 @ 07:48 PM
      hell i try to have fun with the voices i hear. animals are frequent. i had a strange incident with a wasp today and yesterday...not the same one but similar. just remember that "It's all in your head." my parents have a hard time accepting-after a speech i recieved from my father on how to accept things; that i have this gift/curse. i was hospitalized one time for seven days. i was in a bad car reck on new years eve day of this past year. my whole life (future) flashed before my eyes and i know what i must learn to do and that is accept this for what it really is and move forward with it. chaos is inherent in all ompounded things, strive on with diligence. sometimes i have negative voices but for the most part it's a guidance system. it's like i'm on autopilot sometimes and i just wind up with the right people/@ the right place/@ the right time. not so much bad lucky for me. other times it's hard to sleep and i sense a presence of things in the room. inner demons that appear in shadows on the walls. good luck and peace be with all of you. [fagan.bennett@gmail.com] ACCEPT THE TRUTH
    61. tylar – June 29, 2008 @ 02:19 PM
      I wonder if you can invoke voices?
    62. Ben Gray – June 30, 2008 @ 09:53 AM
      We need to keep fighting and stay out of hospital! Hopefully change for the better is just around the corner for all of us.
    63. Mike – July 07, 2008 @ 11:30 AM
      Just out of curiosity does any of you have RH+ blood? look in to it then look into the biblical aspect of it and the nephilim in the Bible perhaps it might shed some light on all of this for you also discernment is a major factor as well.... just a thought -mike
    64. donnie – July 10, 2008 @ 05:06 AM
      OK here i go ive read all the comments in these sites all about demons apearing in shadows the feeling of touching from someone that aint there all the time hearing voices ...........ben gray glad to see you staying with us .until these voicis i never seen the devil or satin but since ive heard them ive laid in bed back in the begining an i felt hands coming from my matress grabing my legs ,waist arms pulling me down towards the floor beneith the bed i was awake so it was not a dream .i never experienced nothing like that before hearing voices .so theres a conection .we cant help from hearing them but we all got to be strong .i mean has the voices realy ever physiclly hurt us .ive been hearing them allmost 10 years .im telling you not to fear evil im not scarred of my voices .it aint allways been like this .i have been so scared cause the things that i heard and nobody else could hear .i have put peaple in my closit and said to them you can hear it louder in there .hee hee ...they heard nothin i would go in a department store and i heard them voices say donald blaww blaww out ther in my store tell him to get the hell out of my store .this would freak me out at first.but after hearing the same voices every were i went i freaked some more i have blinked my eyes and was just enough to see an evil image of a demon ohh funny how it never hapend before the voices. they say there the federal government and this is little brother.ohh and this is democrosy huh.what ever .you type in serch big brother little brother the federal government and see what you get .you all brothers and sisters becarefull this could be the beast just be saved .believe in god if you aint saved stop right now and ask him in your heart tell him you no youve sined and cant live without him noone can do this for you only you can this can be a brand new start for you it may not make voices go away but it will make life better with them i no it did me i only hope the same for you all .GOD BLESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    65. Ben Gray – July 10, 2008 @ 01:37 PM
      Hi Donnie, I think it's all about having faith- in God, yourself, friends, family and fellow voice hearers and to keep fighting the demons until they go away. When I was under Section I hardly ever slept and the day time was like a waking nightmare. The voices made it very difficult to tell what was real, what was a dream and what was really going on. Keep fighting, though- There's angels as well as demons (and even in the worst conditions, there's always hope). All the best, Ben.
    66. Heather – July 11, 2008 @ 11:10 PM
      Hi, I've been reading the comments. I'm very, very excited to find this web site and organization! I've been looking for something like this and praying for something like this for years now! Seriously...googling different phrases like "voices" and such. I would tell my best friend, "I wish I could find a support group." Mine started out 20 years ago as a charismatic experience, people who were teaching others how to hear the voice of God. I was such a devout, young, precious woman who loved God and wanted to do his will and wanted to become closer to him. I came to know what I thought was the spirit's voice and very much loved Jesus with all of my heart. But after a terrible misleading which resulted in the "good, church people" treating me like I was a witch, a meeting where I was condemned for being decieved and told I was listening to the devil and kicked out; the voice then turned on me and I was tortured by it. I thought I was lost. I went through the most severe agony of mind and horrifying fear. It was a hell hard to describe. Then I had what the mental health professionals call a psychotic episode. No one took me to any type of professional. I had resentments about that later but some friends who had been hospitalized told me that I should be thankful I didn't wind up in a hospital as it was a horrifying experience - and I would most assuredly would have. Was very unstable when I came out of the episode. Very confused. Lost my faith. Went into a very deep depression, suicidal every day. Before any of this happened I had been given a prophecy about all of it in detail. I didn't know what it meant at the time. After it was all over with I recognized that the prophecy had come true in detail. I regained my faith in an almost miraculous episode. Despite this I still heard sinister voices, they belittled me and called me names like "insolent bitch". I had to look up insolent in the dictionary because I'd never heard it before. They told me a lot of things I'd never heard before. I thought I might have schizophrenia when I saw commercials for it. Went to see dr's, was told no, I wasn't. One doc put me on Trilifon (they don't use it anymore) but another doc was furious that he did that becuz I wasn't schizophrenic. I tried to convince him that I was so he said it was my choice about staying on the dangerous drug. I took myself off but the voices went away for a year. Becuz of this I would go back and forth in my mind - was it demons, or mental illness? Did this for years, convinced one way or another at different times. I had many prophecies before my first negative episode and thought they were all lies. Then about 15 years later they all began to come true in detail. I too felt that some huge disaster was looming before 9/11. After this I thought that perhaps my experiences were a result of some sort of psychic gift I had. I tapped into it more and knew all kinds of things that would happen before they did and what people were thinking and - well, I just knew the future all the time. It became overwhelming. The voices were very nice to me at this time - just like at the very first. Lots of good things happened to me. During this time i worked in the mental health field. Worked with schizophrenics. Many of them were there becuz of drugs - especially meth. (I wish the young people knew about that) But the voices identified themselves eventually to me as demons, but I didn't believe them becuz they were too nice to me. After awhile they began to mislead me and trick me. I became convinced that they were in fact demons and met up with others who are convinced of the same thing - people who used to be psychics and mediums - now convinced its the dark forces. But when I tried to get away from "them" they would get hostile so I was compliant. Went to the mental health people for help again - got put on seroquel - what a horrible drug!!! Wasn't on that for very long - took myself off. Prayer has been the most effective weapon against them. I've had many people pray for me. (the only thing good that came from my going "crazy" and having it so public was that I'm no longer ashamed, everyone knows I hear voices - I also refer to it as "harassment". Family, friends, boyfriends, my ex-husband. I don't bring it up too often becuz it makes them uncomfortable, but they all know. A lot of the church members where I attended knew. I would pull them into an office to pray for me.) I've had many pastors pray for me, church members, I've been annointed with oil, had hands layed on me by believers, had three churches pray for me. Have a trusted friend, we pray almost every night. It always helps, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. One guy prayed for me and they left for a year. (Remember this is over a 20-year period) I have absolutely no fear now. No fear of them, the devil, God, sin, heaven or hell. Even if they mistreat me I don't fear them, just don't like it. They channel through me against my will, laugh, cry through me, even move my body sometimes. Praying out loud and commanding them to leave me is very effective. I very much believe that the brain becomes susceptible to the supernatural through different things, drugs, repitition to exposure to the supernatural (even once sometimes is enough). I very much would like to see more research done in this area - the mental/spiritual connection - scientific research. I believe there is so much that we need to discover and uncover between these two worlds. I'm thankful for this forum. Thank you for letting me share....too long I know, but thanks!
    67. Heather – July 12, 2008 @ 01:53 AM
      P.S. Also, I read all of the comments. Some of them really moved me, to tears even. Bless their hearts! The student psychology major who was hospitalized simply for seeing ghosts! I'm not sure what its like in other countries but I'm in the U.S. and they take more of a lax approach to it all lately. One would only be hospitalized if a danger to self or others. At least in the states I've lived in. Also Pat and Sophia's posts. Sophia especially...using natural remedies to combat it...wow! I would like to share that I had tremendous fears when everything first started. Was raised in a fear-based religion. The attack from the church people and the voices left me with a horrible anxiety disorder which the demons took full advantage of. About 10 years later I saw an infomercial for a center - The Mid-west Center for Anxiety. Wonderful cognitive therapy program I bought through them and I'm sure one of the main reasons I'm free of fear now. One of the techniques they teach is thought replacement therapy - which is a simple technique of writing down negative thoughts (such as what the voices give) and counteracting them with a positive, believable thought. I bought a small notebook and did it constantly. Every, single, solitary negative thought that came into my mind. It only took about 12 weeks and I've never had a panic attack since. It changed my life in so many ways. When I get down I still do thought replacement. Just thought something like that could help someone. God bless all of you.
    68. Ben Gray – July 14, 2008 @ 01:11 PM
      Hi Heather, I was very moved by your account and impressed with your faith and courage. It's very good that we've found some support together through the Intervoice web-site. Keep fighting and God bless.
    69. Heather – July 14, 2008 @ 09:53 PM
      Thank you Ben. I've been reading a little on this site and as they say, the voice experience can be positive as well as negative. In the last few years I had some tremendous positive experiences and went through the most amazing healing from my past truama. I feel it came as a result of prayer. For years I begged God for healing from what I went through. I had some healing in small doses but in the last few years a huge amount of healing and blessings were poured out on me. Hang-ups and emotional bondage I had in life for years I was freed from. I still want more. I still have insomnia and the voices. I keep thanking God for healing me from the voices even though I don't see it - I believe that one day I will be free. I'm writing a book about my experiences. I hope someone will want to publish it one day. I am still fighting!
    70. Ben Gray – July 15, 2008 @ 01:33 PM
      Hi Heather- I'd like to see your book as soon as it comes out. Perhaps lots of voice hearers could write their stories all together in one book? Good to hear that you're still praying and fighting. All the best, Ben.
    71. Heather – July 15, 2008 @ 05:49 PM
      I think that's a brilliant idea! Having different stories of the voice hearers in a book - then getting it on Oprah! All kinds of talk shows. Why not?! That would definitely start a small revolution...! Changing the way people think of it and bringing it out of the shadows is the first step to changing things.
    72. Ben Gray – July 18, 2008 @ 02:47 PM
      Hi Heather, Yes- the different stories would be really interesting and as you say bring things out of the shadows. I'm sure publishers would be very interested too.
    73. Anonymous – July 20, 2008 @ 04:34 AM
      Sorry about the lack of a name but I'ld rather not post one for security reasons. 'Demons' are the most arrogent species imaginable. I had a life as a computer programmer before the voices and MPD started six years ago. My guess is that they land in brain tissue telepathically somehow. My 'demons' have given up somewhat but they seem to regularily start up again when I start mental exercises or attempt to consciously acquire more brain tissue to think with. I understand computation and some electronics so I've been trying to put my experience to use. I've been studying functional imaging, neural code, and synthetic telepathy. I've got some ideas for locating and treating the 'infected' parts of peoples brains. I think I've mastered mental exercises enough to survive and study. You 'demons' looking over peoples shoulders as they read this have it coming for doing this to people...
    74. Christy – July 21, 2008 @ 08:33 AM
      I'm in South Carolina, in the US. I'm schizo-affective. I hear voices. They are evil, degrading voices....obcenities directed at me. I have heard voices since I was hospitalized for four months in '84. I actually work part time at a frame shop. The voices plaque me through customers thoughts. I have two "rooms" I go to in my head to make it through the day. One room is for helping customers and appearing "normal", the other room is my comfort room, saved for going to sleep. These rooms are my safety rooms. No one would know to look at me, what I deal with. I'm crabby at home with my five children and husband. I guess I take my stress out on them sometimes. I'm glad to find this site. Question? How does one decern from demons to voices?
    75. donnie – July 22, 2008 @ 01:56 AM
      christy , demons were once angels as you now they had an ideal to take over GODS thrown and rule the universe .my big question what did they think they would do with GOD? Goofy of them to even think they had a chance .today in our time tecnolagy has come a long way you would be suprised of the things the federal government dont want you to now .when i was a kid i heard peaple say the end is near .im 41 and i believe that the second coming of our lord JESUS is near .the peaple in my head say that they have nothing to do with satan but satan is the master of deseption if he had the tecnolagy to put voices in our head he could even get man to work for him to be that voice .satan will get the opertunity to rule it says that in the bible but it will be the end for him 7 years later. he needs tecnolagy to rule he will rule him self straight to hell but will cause billions to fall before just be ready..........
    76. Moni. – July 23, 2008 @ 03:04 AM
      I began hearing voices April of 2007. I first thought I was just hearing our neighbors talk. We lived in a duplex during that time. However, they became louder and disturbing. I would hear them at first when the ceiling fan was on or the washer machine. At one point I had every electrical appliance off. Then one day, they were loud, scary and I heard them with appliances off. I was then hospitalized for a week. The medication did not work. I was then hospitalized for another week. Again, the medication did not work. I was hospitalized for the last week and they told me they may never go away. My Psychiatrist says the voices are only from my anxiety. Well, I am not anxious day and night. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. It has been a year and half living with these voices. I also hear echos of environmental noises. Sometimes the voices are repetitive, which is very annoying. I can hear my thoughts echo in my head. I am afraid to talk to them as when I do they become louder. I am afraid I will become paranoid again. I just don't know what to do. I am seeing a Psychologist now and he wants me to face them. I am scared. I do not drive or work anymore. I am on disability. I am new to this site and just learning the ropes.
    77. donnie – July 24, 2008 @ 02:14 AM
      moni ,i now that this is very tough for you ive been there as probably all of us that hear them i to hear them coming from anything that makes noize in the begining years it is hard to deal with you just dont no what to expect .they would have me scared one minute mad as hell the next there is realy nothing more the voices can do to you but drive you insane if you let them .i hear them all the time there always talkin about what im thinking trying there damnest to make me ashamed of anything they can .but with no luck.and they hate me for that .i look at these voices as if there peaple and ask them questions some bad and they respond some times with none of your buisness but some times its as if they cant control them self and they have to answer .i have dreams of peaple i dont no and they do things that are abominationand i tell them thatso one thing is for sure i realy think its peaple some were doing a very sick job but some of these peaple are very sick so the job fits them in time it will get better at first its hard may take years i got a habit of thinking to them all the time not a good habit but i do they dont scare me they wish they did there power is the federal government or thats what they tell me .my power is the all mighty FATHER, SON AND HOLY SPIRIT .if you have them then you got power in time it will get better but they may never go away going on 10 years for me ive tried meds but they only messed me up and i still heard them dam voices .ifd you pray they might even persicute mine do and some of them dont say good things about the lord but thats some one that dont no how much trouble there in when they pass through this life .my voices are famous for saying all the time well some times cause i make fun of them it sounds stupid to me but hears what they say ,,,,,,,,,,... you art to be ashamed of your self {there famous with that}you just made your last mastake ,dont say nothing to us were suposed to say this,dont talk to us ,were just doing our job , its our job this is democracy.........yep sounds like sick peaple to me and there puting this stuff in childrens head also SICK i realy hope that you get better ile be checking back to this site i always do and please dont let them controle your mind mind controlers work for satan.they cant hurt you just make a lot of dam noise huh i got 4 kids my life is noise you take care GOD BLESS..........
    78. Ben Gray – July 24, 2008 @ 12:30 PM
      It's good that we're all talking to each other and sharing experiences. What do people think of the next step to get others to listen to us?
    79. donnie – July 25, 2008 @ 01:24 AM
      ben these voices scare peaple if they tell them not to talk about it they probably wont some wont cause they used to scare me they didnt want me to tell anyone.theres just no fear anymore havent for a long time i got an email asking who thinks the voices are from GOD but i dont think they are GOD dont sin the voices try to stir things up like letting me hear peaple i no talk bad about me tell me my wife is messing around telling me my children are in bad acidents things that are just not true however GOD does allow satan to test us with sin so thats why we need to becareful of our retaliation.peaple should NOT obey the voices and dont ask them for instance were did i lay down my cell phone things like that .i do wish we had alot more peaple responding in hear i check almost everyday until tomarro GOD BLESS............
    80. Warren Harding – July 28, 2008 @ 12:27 AM
      To Ben Gray, I think getting people to consider the artistic quality and plot of their dreams might be essential in getting people to understand this very real problem. Those creating our dreams have consistently been witnessed creating well drawn dreams with plots. Random activity of our brains would not create a plot with well drawn imagery. Many more people have had dreams than have heard voices so if we can recruit them as witnesses to the type of intelligence we know exists we won't be as isolated by percentage of the population. We need investment in technologies that actually address the problem. Improved functional imaging of the brain, understanding of our neural code, and investment in therapeutic synthetic telepathy. Many people have had nightmares so they should made be aware of the risks. www.telepathicsecurity.com
    81. Warren Harding – July 29, 2008 @ 08:24 AM
      Someone asked how to discern between demon's and voices. Can't say I know for sure but I've added another group to confuse and enlighten you.

      True demons by definition won't be of our physical universe so it's going to be difficult to find them. Science seems to have completely missed what we all know here, so despite my scientific education I'm not going to state that spiritual entities do not exist.

      'Alters' or telepathic invaders will be using a piece of your brain to think with so these should be the easiest to find and deal with. Unfortunately we don't have synthetic telepathic devices commonly available that could transfer a thought from one piece of brain tissue to another or we could listen to the various pieces of our brains for foreign thoughts. Construction of such a device would not necessarily need complete understanding of our neural code. This is the most achievable technology I've considered.

      There may also be telepaths that use other computational materials of our universe to think with. We are just starting to explore atomic scale and quantum computers ourselves. Our brains are computational devices when explored at the level of the neuron. Plain iron has computational properties. You can magnetise parts of a piece of iron to store information, indeed your hard drive stores information in just such a fashion. One can conjecture that there may be certain materials that provide all of the computational properties required to support intelligence. Crystals provide a lattice that could support replication of structure, a requirement for life as we know it. Raw iron, which is common about us, may have other computational properties than the ability to store information. You would need to fashion AND and OR gates along with a few other basic components to fashion a general purpose computer, or lifelike intelligence, directly from a raw material. You can extract energy from heat at the atomic scale. As mentioned we are just beginning to explore atomic scale and quantum computation so we are likely missing many potential phenomina that could lead to intelligence. This brings up the question of just what are we? Are we the spike trains of our neurons? Can a spike train feel alive? Can a certain type of electromagnetic waveform feel alive? I'm going to go back to studying neural code...

      It's the middle of the night and I suffer from the same type of voices as Pat's, I'ld swear it's the same entities, or clones thereof. I prefer to stay awake as much as possible rather than risk some entity taking off with my body and doing God knows what. I've missed more than a few night's sleep. Besides being suicidal and hoping they are trapped in my head you can try and stay awake continously. Resting in a warm shower during the wee hours of the morning seems to reset my circadian cycle fairly well without completely crashing me. I wear my swimming trunks in the shower so I can relax without feeling like I'm naked in public, probably my most useful advice.

      Thanks for listening.
    82. Warren Harding – July 29, 2008 @ 08:44 AM
      Forgot to mention synthetic telepathy as yet another possible cause of voices...
    83. Ben Gray – August 01, 2008 @ 02:48 PM
      Hi Donnie and Warren, I appreciated reading about your ideas that suggest a spiritual or telepathic dimension to hearing voices. When I was in hospital I would often hear the voices of angels and demons but also heard people thinking (or they would turn to me and say something horrible to me in what seemed like telepathy). Most psychiatrists, though, tend to think of themselves as rational and scientific. They have the power (to give you medication or Section you) and would regard telepathy or hearing the voices of angels and demons as an illness. There's no room for discussion about the root causes or content of voices- We are simply labelled mad. I hope you are both feeling okay and getting a good night's sleep. All the best, Ben.
    84. donnie – August 02, 2008 @ 08:25 PM
      warren i dont no if you mentiomed before how long you been hearing voices but ive been hearing them a long time and if satan ever had tecnolagy to distract from giving our atention to god i believe he sure got it now with the voices .earlier in my life i didnt walk the life of giving god my atention like i wish i should of but now i wake up in the morning or go to sleep at night thats the first and last thing i think of the voices do however im sad to mention do get most of the atention .some say that listening to the voices makes them louwder and strongeri hear them loud enough that i cant help not listening .if you dont mind me asking what do they tell you?in the early stage of hearing them it was up and down scary.i could feel them touching me when i was awake but i amagined me doing the same thing to myself without actualy doing it sounded as if i waas reversing it on my voices so that stoped right there so the touching from them dont hapen anymore .but i do still feel touching some times when im ill but only when im dosing off to sleep and its like im instantly being healed this is gods angels that does this because its good and not bad like what came from the voices i hear voices but i do have god also so im constantly feeling convicted of my bad actions and thoughts and i no the diference of what its like to have god to speak to me other than the voices see as a kid growing up peaple talked about god speaking to there heart i never new what that would be like but its not like hearing voices in the head cause when the lord speaks to me its like a morras code in my heart its comunication in my heart not in my head where the voices speak its not a voice but you no what it means its kind of hard to explain but when he speaks its alsome to receave messeges from him.i think every body deals with there voices different than others i don thank you should take any comands from them or gain info if its evil and i believe it is cause of the problems they have brought me and my family it would be no biferent that buying a uigy bourd game probably not how to spell it but that is a type of witch craft and god says side by side in the bible neverpractice witch craft and never worship the devil so if you take showers in you trunks i hope in time you will get to where they dont bother you what they say act as if they werent therecause if they wasnt there you would still be in the present of our lord the voices just want you yo be ashamed of your self just like satan and satan will try all our lives to make that hapen if giving the stenth we cant beat him without god but satan dont stand a chance with him got to go for now so good luck and GOD BLESS ..............P.S. i hope i havent said anything to afend anyone ,this is just my life i describe......
    85. Warren Harding – August 03, 2008 @ 11:51 PM
      I managed to get a printing in a newspaper getting people to consider wether their dreams were crafted or random products of their minds. You can read it at http://www.ngnews.ca/index.cfm?sid=154964&sc=51 First good news I've seen in a long time...
    86. Heather – August 04, 2008 @ 12:55 AM
      Hey, hi...Warren, you need to sleep. Don't be afraid to sleep. Its a lie that you will be taken. Depriving you of sleep is the easiest way for them to get to you. I've been dealing with them for twenty years. They made me afraid to sleep so I stayed awake and then I had a mental breakdown - this was about 20 years. Very easy - these are tactics that interrogation people use on their victims and on POW's. Sleep deprivation. Also low protein diet. Isolation. Lack of exercise. You have to be very healthy to beat them. Surround yourself with people who love you. Fear is their BIGGEST weapon and LIES...but you don't have to believe their lies and you don't have to be afraid of them. Seek out God, God will hear you! He is Almighty! They are very afraid of Him. Donnie is right...I know mine are demons and in the past few weeks in trying to free myself I gave into them once (I have no idea why I did that) and they really grabbed a hold on me and would not let go. They wouldn't let me sleep so I tried to bargain with them but they are liars. But in doing this they made a deadly mistake for themselves. My friends were praying for me - I told them to - and I went to a church called "The Vineyard" where they have healing prayer sessions. Two ladies prayed over me. One lady told me to stay and have another session (you wait in turns, cause there are a lot of people) she said "soak yourself in prayer". While I was waiting I was in a room where they were playing tapes of bible texts being read. And I read bible texts on a paper they handed out. The demon who had bargained with me was freaking out. Shivering, anxiety and moaning out of my mouth, tears even. I didn't really know what was going on with the demon but it seemed it was being tortured, punished for bargaining with me - ME - a chosen one, chosen from the foundation of the world by my Heavenly Father, and a co-heir with Jesus Christ. (These are things I just learned again, I had forgotten becuz I strayed away) I, however, didn't feel a thing. I have absolutely no fear of them now, just annoyed. The next people who prayed for me - one older man was a specialist in "deliverence" from demons! Not an accident that I was matched with him. He could see that my body would not stop shivering. He read bible texts and then commanded the demon to leave with a shout and it cried out thru my mouth and was gone. However another was there. But I was tired and the church was closing. But he said "don't let them push you around, you have authority over them." It's true, if you've ever given your life to the Lord you can command them. My friend gave me 16 bible texts that I printed out and kept reading OUT LOUD. The texts empowered me even more. They would manifest - like what you might see in movies except not as dramatic (hollywood BS) breathing through me, crying, tightening my body, then going limp when commanded. I found out there were three of them. I fought and fought them, I was very tired by the end of the day but they were really tortured by what I was doing so I kind of enjoyed it. (To say I hate their guts would be an understatement) Went to another church and the pastor led me through prayer in saying out loud that I forgave everyone who had ever hurt me. Every name that I could think of as well as institutions and churches. Then he led me in prayer to say I lay it at the foot of the cross and ask the blood of God's son to cover all my hurt. Then gently he told the demons to leave. I felt something lift but still knew they were still there. When I got home they said there were only two now. The one that left was a demon that specialized in unforgiveness and hate, bitterness, anger. I had been feeling this way for a long time, my anger and hatred getting more and more out of control. That one was a really nasty demon. These other two let me feel pretty much normal like before. But I've informed them that they are going down as well!! Now I have two. They have gotten a lot weaker and identified themselves. Because people have prayed for me and prayed over me. I don't know why but they are telling me so much stuff about what areas each of them has been dealing with in my life. Squealing on each other even. Competing for my affection as it were - becuz they want to stay. They wish that man never told me I had authority over them. I'm having a blast kicking their demonic asses! One made me nauseated while shopping so I wouldn't look crazy I took out my cell phone and pretended to be talking all the while saying, "Lord, rebuke you Satan!" and praying out loud and claiming promises from the bible. The nausea left. It's so cool cause, I swear, for two years I've been praying, "God, if there's any way I could, I want to hunt these demons down and kill them. God, you can do anything so I know you'll answer this prayer." I am REALLY angry, enraged at them. When I see how they treat poor people. I believe my prayer is being answered. And when I am completely free - a hunting I will go!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!! Kick some demon ass!!!!!!! The only reason I haven't pursued my deliverence more is that I had a trip planned this last week - weird timing. But couldn't get out of what I paid. Just decided to go. Had a great time and if they got too strong just put them in their place with a "Lord, rebuke you Satan, In Jesus' name." They hate Jesus' name, me talking to my heavenly father or reminding them who I am. They are trying to bring me back under their control but their power has been broken. Then they whine and ask me pleeeease to let them stay. Tomorrow night I'm going back to the healing prayer sessions. Can't wait! I will be free! That's what I keep telling them! This is my story. And I totally believe in it. However, the discussion about the brain is extremely interesting to me. I would not rule that out at all. But don't be afraid. Just pray, God will come to you, He will rescue you, He will deliver you. No one ever commanded them to leave me in 20 years becuz they were convinced that I wasn't possessed. This is why I have been suffering for so long. Go to people who know the bible and know their authority in Jesus Christ! They really can leave you, becuz when Jesus makes you free you are free indeed!!!!!
    87. Warren Harding – August 04, 2008 @ 07:38 PM
      Thanks Heather. I've been for deliverance multiple times and have become a christian. I'm staying openminded about diagnoses though. I think some of the preachers I've been to for deliverance have faced too many demons or telepaths and have been counterinfected. They show signs of infection/possession, twitching and so on. Some things ring true though. Christians will often speak of a 'spirit of anger' or some other type of spirit that preys upon a certain type of negative emotion or act. I've witnessed the same type of thing though my evil 'spirits' will claim to be modern. I follow the christian belief of maintaining purity of soul(according to telepathic voices I've spoken with). No negative emotions allowed. Playing a calm version of Amazing Grace or other christian music at full volume through headphones will completely alter the emotional landscape(search the net for versions). It seems to dispel evil voices well. Voices I hear speak of differentiating between 'spirits of earth'(telepaths made of matter and energy of this universe), and spirits of god or spiritual ether(not made of our physical universe). I remain curious as to which forms of telepaths and spirits exist. You're right about the lieing. Evil voices love to lie. I noticed Ben mentioned that he was recieving telepathic voice from people. Are you sure the voice was from the people looking at you? When my voices first started they claimed to be telepathic voices from people I knew. I just about shot the wrong people and fully intended to do so until one called and I noted that the voice on the phone didn't match with the voice 'in my head'. Be very wary of believing voices. I was also partly 'delusional' at the time and was having trouble differentiating between dreamlike mind control being put through my head in the daytime and reality.
    88. Warren Harding – August 04, 2008 @ 07:55 PM
      Someone clicked the 'Post comment' button on me and I wasn't finished writing. I'm fully MPD and the beings are real. The term alternative personality doesn't do the situation justice. Anyways I noticed Heather mentioned a book and Oprah. It took me about 50 emails to get a letter printed in a newspaper. I emailed my letter about considering wether dreams are crafted or randomly produced by our brains across Canada and to the top 10 newspapers by circulation in America. Some others may have printed the story, I found the one that did by searching for my domain name on Google. Getting people to notice a story is an uphill battle. You can get lists of newspapers throughout the world from Wikipedia. I think there are a lot of witnesses out there who have had dreams that would be difficult to explain away as random products of our brains. Feel free to include the concept in your book, it might widen your audience.
    89. LG – August 04, 2008 @ 09:50 PM
      Yes, I can relate. I just started hearing voices. They began speaking to me during the begining of summer. The latest voice scared me the most. It was a voice of a male. He yelled " free ___ free____" I can't remember what name he said. But it was loud and scary. The first time I heard a voice, it was a voice of a female, who sounded like Billy Holiday, she was singing but I can't remember the song.
    90. LG – August 04, 2008 @ 10:04 PM
      Hi Heather, I enjoyed reading your comment. Where is "The vineyard" located?
    91. Heather – August 04, 2008 @ 10:33 PM
      Hi LG, The Vineyard that I've been to is located in Orange County, California, U.S. But there are about 600 of them. If you google "Vineyard" you'll find out where. I don't know if any are outside of the U.S. Not all have a healing prayer ministry either. Commenting on Warren's post. I had the voices imitate people that I knew. At first they fooled me and I really thought that these people were communicating with me telepathically. But later they admitted to just imitating them and as I contacted the people they pretended to be it was confirmed that the voices had fooled me. The first time I figured this out they spoke to me as my best friend. When I called her and asked she told me no, that it wasn't her. So they are great liars. Its true they can't be trusted. I used to think that demons just came and went through my mind. Now I realize there were only a few - possibly four - that had stayed with me for years and I never realized it. Now only two. Very stubborn two. I don't believe in everything the deliverence people believe - and they all have different things that they believe but I'm still gonna try and I believe I will be healed. One demon has been angry with me since I posted what I did yesterday and giving me a little trouble, but I'm not intimidated. Tonight it will be the one having trouble when I go for healing prayer.
    92. Warren Harding – August 05, 2008 @ 03:37 AM
      To Heather's demon, Pride comes before a fall.
    93. Heather – August 07, 2008 @ 12:11 AM
      It's true Warren - pride goeth before a fall. I went to the healing prayer session and the man who had commanded the demon out was there and said he got my message that I was on a vacation. He said next week he would be ready with a team for me. He said that he hasn't seen someone shivering like I was in long, long time. I told him about the demon of resentment and anger I was freed from and that now I had a lot more peace. After our chat I went into the waiting room where they were playing that scripture CD again - its sooo beautiful. One of the two demons began crying and crying. I knew it wasn't me. Soon a man called me. There were three people in the room this time. Two men and an older woman. She asked me about being sexually abused as a child, I said yes I had been. They dealt with that through the whole session. They encouraged me to memorized scripture. On the drive home the demons were still there but the one kept bawling and bawling. I don't know why. The next day I kept repeating Isaiah 49:25 - "Surely, thus says the Lord, 'Even the CAPTIVES OF THE MIGHTY MAN will be TAKEN AWAY, and the PREY of the TYRANT will be RESCUED; for I will CONTEND WITH THE ONE WHO CONTENDS WITH YOU, and I will save your offspring.'" This passage of scripture really weakened them. They seem to be in a state of distress and anxiety most of the time. They know they are going to be forced out and these two particular ones have been with me for twenty years. They keep saying they don't want to go - crying about it. Two of my friends have felt so strongly that I will be completely freed. I've never had such an army of people working to help me. I feel so blessed! Let me say I really sought out people. If I hadn't made myself vulnerable then this wouldn't be happening. Be careful, don't trust just anyone. And don't become discouraged if the first few times you get no where. "They" will misdirect you to people who can't help you or will discourage you. I went to a woman on the internet but she got no where becuz she was not biblical in her approach, she knew nothing of the bible, and I think she needed deliverence herself. Then I went to the Catholic church, they said they wouldn't help me if I wasn't Catholic, then I went to a non-denomintional church. The pastor said if I was a believer that Satan couldn't touch me and was I on medication??? I said, "O.K." and got up to leave. He was totally shocked. Pastors and people like that are used to people believing them. I don't let them push me around. I just walked out becuz I felt he was ignorant. I don't have to prove my experience to anyone. So be careful and don't get discouraged. My best friend and I prayed for two solid years for my deliverence. My mother has been praying and praying for me. It may take awhile. God bless you all.
    94. Warren Harding – August 08, 2008 @ 05:12 AM
      Never surrender....
    95. Ben Gray – August 08, 2008 @ 03:00 PM
      Never surrender and keep fighting those demons!
    96. Heather – August 09, 2008 @ 09:47 PM
      Thank you Warren and Ben. I am definitely not surrendering. I'm excited! I believe I will be completely freed. I'm praying all the time and memorizing and repeating scripture out loud. The most fascinating thing to me is how much power I have over them by just rebuking them or calling on the name of God my Heavenly Father. They become completely helpless! Jesus really did destroy the power of the Devil when he came to earth.
    97. Ben Gray – August 10, 2008 @ 11:56 AM
      Good to hear that you're praying- Keep on going!
    98. Heather – August 14, 2008 @ 03:43 AM
      I am still fighting. The truest miracle is what has happened inside of my heart. I used to be filled with hatred and was completely hopeless, even to the point of wanting to die - only a few weeks ago. Now I am filled with hope. I know God loves me. At almost every prayer session they have felt impressed to tell me this. I thought that God didn't love me just a few weeks ago. The last prayer session one lady said that she needed to tell me that God loves me and he is pleased with me. Today, as I was fighting them a discouragment fell over me. It was overwhelming and I stopped praying. So I called my friend who is praying for me all day long and told her to rebuke the demon of discouragement. She did and told it to leave me. It went into convulsions and the discouragement lifted from me completely and I was happy again. I have found out a lot about these two demons - the treachery and ugliness and torture that these two have brought into my life. I am still fighting and I know God is with me. Even though they fight to stay with me their deception over me has been completely broken. All the work that they poured into me over the years has been completely undone in just a few short weeks.
    99. donnie – August 16, 2008 @ 10:17 AM
      having the spirit in my heart gives me feelings that i never had in the past .i just dont care that i hear voices however hearing voices is considered as a sycodi disorder but we voice hearers no i wish peaple were not depressed like i once was . ive beet the voices but will probably hear them the rest of my life but not eternity.satan is hear but not were im going so all the power to him hes going to need it .his reservation in hell awaits him and his demons.thew will keep that for ever.they will be foregoten......
    100. Ben Gray – August 18, 2008 @ 10:45 AM
      The truth will set you free! Keep fighting and helping fellow voice hearers with your experiences.
    101. Heather – August 19, 2008 @ 01:28 AM
      I want to tell you of my progress! I went back to the healing prayer sessions and they had a team for me. They spent two hours with me and had me break every tie we could think of to the dark forces. Then they called the demon out. It was very stubborn. It finally manifested and began to cry and saying no. I had my eyes closed through a lot of it. They were praying and rebuking it. Suddenly I felt something heavy in my hands and opened my eyes and one woman had placed her big bible in my hands. The demon reacted to it like it was a snake! It was amazing!! The next day I felt different although they were still there. This whole week I've been battling...really struggling with them, thru prayer and bible texts and rebuking them. Then Sunday I went to church and the pastor and his wife prayed for me and when I got home my friend did too and it was very effective. BUT the most exciting thing - they had a baptism that afternoon at the beach. I decided to do it although I already been before. While waiting the demon inside was very nervous and scared. I couldn't act like myself. But when I came up out of the water I felt free!! I then enjoyed my time eating and talking with the church members on the beach. My mom came to watch. Anyway, today their voices have gone down into whispers!!! This is totally without medication! Also I took the pastor's wife's advice and have shifted my attention onto God and Jesus more and more and ignoring them. My mom and I read in a book to sing seven hymns of praise and seven psalms of praise from the bible. So we did that this afternoon together and it gave me a lot more peace. They are still manifesting to a certain extent but I will keep battling. I have gained SO much victory. I'm going back tonight to the healing prayer session and the team will spend another two hours with me. One of the more exciting things today is my mom had no idea how to deal with this situation. I showed her in the bible that Jesus gave her all authority over demons. And I said, "Now mom, command them to come out." Suddenly that 82-year-old woman commanded them in this strong voice - she ordered them! The demon freaked out, crying out in fear. It was awesome!! They have made us believe that they have more power then us but with God we have the authority! They are liars, don't believe them!! God bless you all.....and I will continue the fight!
    102. Ben Gray – August 20, 2008 @ 12:40 PM
      It's great that we're all still fighting and have faith that we can defeat the voices. I draw strength from prayer too and make sure to focus on the positive things around me, with small acts of humanity and kindness every day. Keep fighting and stay well!
    103. donnie – August 25, 2008 @ 01:12 AM
      satan may have found a nother way to atack me or now us.ile get back with yah to tell you all about
    104. Ben Gray – August 26, 2008 @ 12:13 PM
      Satan or evil in general is no match for a good heart and perseverance. Keep fighting!
    105. Heather – August 28, 2008 @ 01:14 AM
      I had a horrible experience with the deliverence team. The leader was so judgmental and labeled me in a way that I believe was completely false. The only good that it seemed to accomplish was that it broke any attachment that I had with the dark spirits. I got to know these spirits when I didn't know they were demonic and this developed an attachment. Now no communication goes on at all between us. My friend and I and my mother are doing a partial fast. Kind of like lent - we've given up certain things until I'm free. The spirits were decieving me one day into thinking I didn't need to fight as hard. That same day I stumbled onto a web site - spiritualcuriosity.com This web site has many stories of people being possessed or harrassed by demons and their deliverence. It totally renewed my vigor in the fight and gave me fresh ideas. I reccommend this web site highly. I can't believe the changes that have occured with me and in me since I first started to battle them. I believe God is faithful and will deliver me completely. My eyes have been completely opened to God's love for me and I love Jesus so much. I haven't had this much peace in such a long time!
    106. Tina – August 28, 2008 @ 11:42 PM
      I have never been hospitalised for what I hear, but I know what I hear does not have a logical source. I have also never told my family, but I have told my friends. They are very spiritual and blame it on when I was 15 and used a Quiji board. The thing is, not all of the voices are the same or negative. Like... the world has a few extra people in it. Also I have received sounds that are more like 'telepathic messages' from people I know. It's rather confusing. At my home there is a woman's voice in the livingroom/hallway. Sometimes she'll try to get my attention "Hey Tina!" or even be nearby while I'm reading or watching TV and say "so what's this one about?" She's rather kind and cheerful, she sounds like my mom. One time when my mom was home I heard the unknown-voice calling me "come here, Tina" and so I went to my mom who said "I didn't call for you." because... it wasn't my mom, it was that voice. She's also talked-over me while I was entertaining a friend.. and my friend heard it too. We discussed exactly what she sounded like but we couldn't figure out what she wanted in talking-over me. In my room, in my car, and 'following me' is a low, growling voice. He's not evil- just a little creepy. I also tend to see his shadow or reflection on occasion. He is like my concience, because he keeps me from doing bad things. When I had a phaze of debating suicide, I could feel his hand on my shoulder, and he was saying "no." he even has a name that he told me. For some reason, he wishes I wouldn't post it here. "The masses have no concern" he said... he has an accent, maybe Russian. I've known him for... I want to guess 8 years. Then there is my little brother... I call him that because he's been with me since I was very small, and he said "I was going to be your brother, but mom couldn't have another baby." He's 14-15 years old so his voice is changing and sounds funny sometimes, and he is a bit more combative. One time I received a death threat in total daylight and I heard him shout from nearby "OH YEA?! TINA! Beat him up! You know you can!!" I didn't, though I really wanted to... little brother made me smile though, because I could almost imagine him pumping his fists into the air. I dunno, maybe I'm haunted. I'm a very spiritual and try my best to be open-minded, but sometimes I scare myself. Not always though, because its been happening for so long its just like "another day.. whatever". I just thought I'd make a comment here... thanks for your time everyone, and if you want to talk go ahead and email me.
    107. Ben Gray – September 01, 2008 @ 12:12 PM
      It's good that we're sharing stories and experiences of hearing voices. Voices seem much more complex and spiritual than what psychiatry tries to label them as an illness or psychosis. Hang on in there!
    108. Heather – September 07, 2008 @ 01:17 AM
      Hi Ben, My mother told my sister about my struggles and my sister thinks that I should try going to a christian doctor (mental health) and maybe getting on meds. I tried that route once before and had a horrible time with the meds. It was a horrible experience - the side effects. As a Christian doctor yourself what do you suggest?
    109. Ben Gray – September 10, 2008 @ 12:30 PM
      Hi Heather, On the plus side, medication does help a lot of people with mental health problems. On the other side, antipsychotic medication is a bit of a quick fix and does have debilitating side-effects, such a tiredness, weight gain and making you feel really low and sometimes quite depressed. It's a bit like being between "a rock and a hard place". I guess my suggestion would be that if you can't solve your struggles with alternative approaches (such as prayer, psychotherapy, cognitive- behavioural therapy and the like) or if your 'symptoms' or struggles worsen, to go and see a good and sympathetic doctor. It is very much your own choice, but seek advice from who you can. I personally am on a very small dose of clozaril but it's mainly to avoid being Sectioned and put in hospital (which I hated). Has anyone else got suggestions for Heather
    110. Heather – September 22, 2008 @ 06:07 PM
      Thanks Ben for your advice. Like I said I've tried meds before and they were horrible - and they didn't take the voices away, not the recent meds. I feel I'm on a successful path right now although not completely free. I'm free of voices, however. They rarely, rarely speak now. Sing music in my mind instead, but its way in the background. Not unpleasant. Had a Christian counselor reccomended to me. So I called her. Well, this woman talks to me on the phone all of a few minutes (5 minutes max, I'm not exaggerating) and is convinced that I probably have MPD. With no evaluation, she's knows absolutely nothing about my experience - over the phone even!! I could not believe it! What's interesting about this whole thing is that very morning my best friend told me (she lives two states from me - far away, an hour by plane - she participated with me in occult things) that she was seeing tall, shadow figures skulking passed her doorway - clear as day. Also red, demonic eyes staring out at her from her walls and her little dog seeing them too and barking and barking, scared to death, trembling, unable for two days to go back into that room. The poor dog was terrified! She also felt something swooshing pass the back of her neck that brought chills all over her. These things were happening so often that she said she was getting used to it. I joked with her and said, "Well, somehow my mental illness has traveled over to you (mental illness is contagious you know, even two states away) and now you AND your dog (apparently) have become psychotic!! How amazing!!" Sometimes I think that some people's great education have just simply made them stupid! (I'm very educated so I'm not downing education) I, myself, believe that the Lord has revealed to me that I will be an overwhelming conqueror in this area! I will be completely amazed at what he does! I can hardly wait!! In the mean time I continue to be blessed and have small victories. I'm learning to really praise God - it is so fantastic! Such a positive and enriching experience emerging from such a dark one....but that is like God, isn't it?!
    111. Ben Gray – September 24, 2008 @ 01:40 PM
      Hi Heather, Good to hear that you're on the road to recovery and that the voices are not so bad as they were before. It's funny how some people (even qualified professionals) can make 'snap' judgements about people who hear voices or who are suffering from distress. The tendency is certainly to label people rather than treating them as equal human beings with equal and human medical rights. Hang on in there and keep fighting! All the best, Ben.
    112. Ben Gray – October 03, 2008 @ 06:23 PM
      Thought you might be interested, but a famous person who suffered from severe bouts of depression once said: "If you're going through hell, keep going". All the best, Ben.
    113. Warren Harding – October 09, 2008 @ 05:48 PM
      Glad to hear your voices are clearing Heather...
    114. Eric – October 16, 2008 @ 01:07 PM
      Hi, back in 2002 of may I was serving in the US Navy as a Fireman, the crew and I onboard the USS Bonhomme Richard were coming home from the operation enduring freedom we were somewhere over the pacific ocean, the war was long and stressful for all of us, I remember being in the EOS Engineering operational Space staring at the gauges on the Boiler Control Console and a Commissioned Officer was standing next to me and I looked her directly in the eyes and something seemingly from her came into me through her eyes and I blacked out momentarily, when I came back to she had moved away from me a couple feet and I looked at her and her lips were quivering in fear. Then she asked me where I was from and I told her and walked out and assumed my watch. The next morning as I came on to my watch station my soul felt heavy inside and I felt awful, ever since then it had felt like my spirit and sanity were slowly deteriorating. Soon thereafter I started to feel irritated and uncomfortable within myself and my brain begin to have strange amounts of pressure in it. I begin to notice as the problem increased in severity that others were noticing my state of being and I was often times alienated by them, like once I was walking down a peaway on my way to the machinery room and a Marine was walking by with his buddies and said to me "I dont know who you are but you are stupid", I didnt know what was going on with myself so my feelings were hurt a little, other times during my service others would stamp there feet at me when Id walk by them and clap there hands in front of my face as Id walk by as if they were trying to say snap out of it, but I didnt understand how to fix myself, I overheard one female saying to another while I was nearby " He really needs to pull himself together" I could only guess they were talking about me. I struggled with the problem for a few months and I began to be harassed by some of my shipmates, they would say things to me like " whats the matter it looks like your losing your religion", and Id overhear them speaking to one another saying "Hes gone, hes not even there anymore", I didnt understand what they meant by it and maintained my discipline and kept to myself and continued to do my job. Pretty soon we were sent to war again four months later to the war on Iraqui Freedom and it was worse than the first, it took a total of 12 months to complete and after we returned home I was completely burnt out. The criticism and judgement continued from others and I finally snapped and went AWOL for 7 months and my problems remained. I was eventually apprehended by the Police and sent back to the Naval Station in Handcuffs, then they locked me away in the Brig for the time being. When they released me from the brig I spent a week or 2 at the Transient Personnel Unit and eventually given an OTH discharge and sent home. Over the past few years I have been alienated by society as my spiritual problems continued to increase. The year 2006 came along and I had been working with my father despite my inner- discomfort, and I continued to maintain my discipline when I felt like I was being judged by others on and off the job. I began to grow anger problems and I eventually was kicked out of my Mothers house and was living with my father on the streets. Things started getting weird inside myself and I began feeling like everyone could hear my thoughts and I grew paranoid inside and because of the situation we were both in my stress levels constantly increased, one evening we were camping up a National Forest off the side of the road and my problems worsened and I felt like others not only could hear my thoughts but could hear my voice as well when Id think to myself inside, and I began to feel like I was being hunted by others and everybody knew something I did not, mainly because I hadnt found any solutions to what Id been experiencing so I was constantly worried due to the judgement I felt like I was receiving from others while out in public and on the job. My Father and I had just set up camp and a truck was coming up the main road and I could hear them shouting, I thought they were searching for me and as they came closer I began to hear gunshots coming in my direction and I was startled to the point where I was fooled into thinking they were shooting at me and my Father, I looked over at my Father and said " I think they are shooting at us!!!", and I began to run up the hill out of fear for my own life and then I began to hear voices of what seemed to be people that were above my mind and they were taunting me saying things like "You'd better run!", and the voices sounded and felt to me inside as if they knew me and had been tracking or monitoring me for quite some time and they were comfortable and arrogant in my presence I could hear it in their voices, I got half way up the hill and hid behind a small bush peering down towards the camp and I heard a voice that was talking to my Father saying " are you the Father of Eric?", and then I heard another gun shot and I thought my Father had been killed, my fear was greatly intensified as the voices continued taunting me, I made it to the top of the hill and was on top of the mountain gasping for air in sheer terror, I began panicking and saying "Please God Help me!", over and over again for a minute or so. I could still hear truck engines down below and I began to hear more than one, I thought and believed that some kind of a search party was sent out to take my life because of my State of Being inside, I began to look out over the valley and mountains down off the other side of the mountain trying to put together a plan to escape them but I was so exhausted that I crept about 25 feet down the righthand side of the mountain and sat there trembling in fear, I could still hear trucks down below and was so scared that I could barely move because of the fear inside. I began staring at the bushes and shrubs and sagebrush that surrounded me and I could hear the leaves rustle and sticks break every so often, I began to feel like somehow someone was going to pop out of me and kill me. I thought that there was an entire search party that was searching for me to take my life coming up the mountain after me and I sat still hoping that no one would find me, as I continued to hear the leaves rustle and twigs and branches break I began to hear a fast thumping sound directly in front of me, the sun had gone down and as I stared into the darkness trembling in fear for my life I began to see a dark humanlike figure moving from side to side with the occasional sound of thumping, I couldn't see any proof or actual evidence that someone was really there as if somehow this dark humanlike figure had found someway to evade my eyesight. I heard a low grumbling voice come in my direction of and older man and I remember it saying something like "Don't Move", and I assumed that this man was armed and prepared to kill me and I put my hands in the air out of fear and I didn't dare drop them for fear of being shot. I could hear a voice down below off the mountain that was yelling but couldnt make out what the words were, It began to rain and the noises continued and after what seemed like hours my arms grew tired and began to lower and I struggled to keep them in the air, I finally dropped them, they had become too tired to hold up any longer, and nothing happened, I remember looking back and forth and somehow at that moment I regained a little bit of courage and sanity. I slowly got up with an oversensitive feeling of fear that was going straight through my mind, I fought through the fear inside and forced myself to begin moving down the mountain the way I came up but just a little off to the right a ways, I made my way through the bushes and sagebrush down the mountain in complete darkness feeling my way through, after 30 minutes or so I saw the dirt roadway 30 feet ahead of me and began listening for vehicles, footsteps, or the sound of men's voices, I could hear nothing so I slid onto the road and ran back towards camp, my Dad's car was still there and so was the tent, I opened the tent and my Dad sat up and said "Where were you!, I was worried sick!", I said " I thought they were shooting at us so I ran up the mountain", and he told me No son, they were just a couple kids out shooting 22's. I came inside the tent and my Father told me Im glad your back and I tried to go to sleep the best I could as I regained a small feeling of comfort while in the presence of my Father. Ever since that day I have been hearing voices in my mind, and I eventually began to experience pain and sickness inside, I continued to live in a moderate amount of sin occasionally masturbating every now and then knowing very little about the Lord but what I had been taught during my childhood years. Because of my pain and discomfort that continued to slowly increase day by day and the voices I keep hearing I convinced my Dad to take me back to my Mom's house, he stayed with me there for a week or 2 and took me to a Mental Health Center and I was put on medication (Paxil). My Mom eventually asked my Dad to leave and I haven't seen him since, the voices I hear keep telling me he is dead. During my stay at my Mother's I was given my own room to stay in and I slipped in to my own little world and fell in to more sin then I have ever fell into before, constantly masturbating and taking ephedrine, looking at pornography on the internet and giving in to lustful temptations, I grew extremely perverted and became addicted, everytime I finished masturbating my head would begin to hurt and when I would go outside people would literally turn there heads from my presence, Id walk into gas stations to buy a soda and Id hear men calling me a "jackass", Id go to work and people would begin to murmur behind my back saying thats what happens when you sin too much, so I grew extremely defensive and rambunctious, all the while the voices remained. Because of my rebellion of others criticism and judgement I felt towards me day by day it made the voices and the pain worsen, my paranoia increased and my fear grew, I began to carry weapons around with me, knives and daggers Id hang from my belt not trusting anyone, with intentions of killing anyone that would try and harm me. It went on for a long while and eventually I somehow by some unknown miracle began trying to pull my head out of my ass and stop my sinning, I began to pray and repent to the Lord, it has been a slow and painful process as I prayed for help to quit masturbating and smoking cigarettes, I was so addicted to it that at night I remember having to tie my hands with rope to keep my hands from falling to my private parts so I wouldn't masturbate again, and I eventually regained some control of myself and quit for a long time, but the voices and the pain remained. They eventually grew louder and I could hear them constantly tormenting me, my medication wasn't working either, I began fighting back at them and lowering myself to their levels with wicked thoughts and intentions, they would create a threat towards me so I would create my own threats back, then they would learn my thinking patterns constantly reading my thoughts and every move outloud and somehow they learn me and adapt to my own thinking patterns and play every game that I played with them right back. As I continued to increase my knowledge and efforts towards the Lord's will they began playing sick games always tormenting me about straightening my act up more and more as I try to take one step at a time instead of taking it on all at once. I have vivid dreams that are so realistic that sometimes I cant tell that I'm asleep as if while I'm asleep I am also awake on some strange subconscious level off living another life, I had one dream where I could hear these low base-like speakers and there was a voice saying "ERIC, This is God!!", and I could hear them while I was asleep and as I was hearing the voice my mind shot over to a female sitting down in the dark and I heard her gasp out "He can hear us!!!", so I woke up and said a prayer to God telling him of these false impersonations of him. The voices try to convince me that there are Satan Worshipers that are living somewhere here on earth that have found out my name due to the amount of time I fell to sin and masturbation and crimes I committed during my youth some more recent then others, they tell me that they know my address and if I find a way out of my pain and find a way to stop the voices they will come and kill me, I played with the idea at first telling them to basically screw themselves but after a few months of the torture and death threats I started to believe that there really are Satan Worshipers that are somehow trespassing into my mind with some kind of High tech sound frequencies forcing me to hear their voice torment me all day long. They gave me names of individuals who I wont mention that were behind it all, and constantly tormented me telling me that I masturbated with one of their daughters in mind and due to how perverted it was they keep threatening to kill me, because the punishments continued and grew increasingly worse, I have often been tempted to track them down and kill them myself, but what is one of are ten commandments?, "Thou shalt not kill", so I brushed it off and repented for the wicked thoughts, I just became so desperate to escape the punishments and pain that I'd been receiving and I started believing that they were actually coming from Satan Worshipers that are alive here on earth. I have prayed to the Lord for 7 to 10 months now and repented for my sins and confessed my sins to my Bishop and have forsaken some of them, sometimes the voices and the pain go away and then out of the middle of nowhere they return when I am least expecting it, it drives me out of my mind!, the voices and the pain I feel in my mind, the bottom of my stomach, and down my spinal cord continue to this day, I grew suicidal a few times and after becoming overwhelmed and defeated I joked with these evil spirits about opening up the fiery pits of hell and taking a dip, sometimes I get impatient and angry at God for not answering my prayers. Just recently I began to feel these small bumps that started hitting me, in one of my vivid dreams I was punched and I felt actual pain until the moment I woke up. There was a few other voices that came to me one that the other spirits called The Forsaken One, its voice is extremely wicked and sends shivers up and down my spine, one night this wicked voice started screaming in its tormented,tortured, and wicked state, "I am Blasphemy!!!", over and over and over again and at the same time I could hear a little girl crying to me inside and I could sense the voices pain and torment and I began to cry trying desperately to contact my church leaders, I eventually did and I received a blessing and the voice went away but the others remain, I dont want to live the rest of my life this way...
    115. Eric – October 16, 2008 @ 01:47 PM
      Another thing I forgot to mention was that these voices I hear keep imitating females voices and keep claiming to be the females that I masturbated to in my past, they keep telling me I deserve to be slain and that I don't deserve to ever start a family of my own one day or even have a girlfriend, I drive my vehicle down the road and as I come in contact with Women I see the voices try to fool me in to believing that they are being told about my sinful past and how perverted I once was, I know that this is not true. I am greatly concerned for others that I read about above that have and may be experiencing the pain and sickness like my own and the voices I know that it is extremely difficult to live with, I am worried for them. I know that even despite the sins we may have committed that this treatment we receive is completely unfair and uncalled for, Im especially worried for those that may be weaker than I am and wish I could be there to help you during your struggles, Please, never attempt suicide, try and be quick to remember our God, and quick to remember the support around you do not let these evil voices and the pain defeat you from finding help in your times of need.
    116. Ben Gray – October 17, 2008 @ 12:55 PM
      It sounds like you're going through a great battle, Eric- and one which I hope you can win with your inner strength and the support of people around you. Don't be too hard on yourself for your sins and remember to keep fighting these negative voices as much as you can. I am very surpised that you haven't received more help as an ex-serviceman as some of what you're experiencing could be related to your horrible war experiences (Post-Traumatic Stess Disorder??). Keep fighting, though- It's now a mental and emotional battle with your demons that I'm sure and hope you will win. All the best.
    117. Eric – October 18, 2008 @ 12:10 AM
      Hi Ben, thank you for your response, as an ex-serviceman I do have a few benefits that are available to me so I can receive counseling and medication. Some of the other things these voices I hear keep saying is that they are trying to Brainwash me and trying to kill me in my sleep, they have told me that they have brainwashed others and taken control of their bodies and walked them off of cliffs where they died, sometimes the voices say "Kill somebody", they usually only ask me to kill someone when they seem to think they have successfully brainwashed me, if the deaths were true Im sure I would have heard about it though. What I find to be strange is that sometimes my thoughts within my mind will all the sudden be interrupted and a terrible wave will come over me and it tries to put me to sleep, sometimes it does and then I have another terrible dream, sometimes it only makes me forget what I was trying to accomplish momentarily then it all returns just a few short minutes later and then I resume my task. I did a little studying on brainwashing out of my own curiosity of the treatment I have been receiving and learned about a man named Ewen Cameron who worked for the CIA back in the 70s, he experimented with brainwashing people by forcing them to listen to recorded messages 24 hours a day for weeks on end and it would destroy their thinking patterns so they would forget who they were and forget even their own names. I also did a little studying on the brain and learned that high frequency sound can affect brain activity when it is above the audible range, it affects both the brain stem and the Thalamus, Ewen Cameron was part of a project called the MK Ultra, another name they called him was The Memory Thief. I have also decided to begin studying and learning more about Sound Detectors to see if I cant trace or track the whereabouts of some of these frequencies, I dont know if it is possible to do by using a sound detector though, its only an experiment, and I really don't know if they are coming from anyone at all. Sometimes the voices seem to come from evil spirits, other times they seem to come from actual human beings, in and out of my sleep. Some of the medications I have tried in the past in order to regain control of my mental/chemical imbalance are Paxil, Geodon, Flouxetine, and Zyprexa, I also take Blood pressure medication Amlodipine to avoid having a stroke. At night in order to help myself fall asleep easier I take sleeping pills such as Advilpm and other brands, and in order to help myself tolerate the pain and discomfort that comes off and on I take over the counter pain relievers, like Pain Relief PM. I hope this comment will help someone and thank you for creating this Website. P.S. ( I have spoken with others that have had these problems and some of them have had strokes because of it, so please be careful.)
    118. Eric – October 18, 2008 @ 01:01 AM
      Also I forgot to mention, out of the middle of nowhere sometimes I get shocked as if someone is using a taser-gun on me but not as bad. I read above that some people dont want to go to sleep because of these kinds of problems, one thing I do when I get scared or fearful of sleep is to go to sleep in the presence of others or ask someone (Like a family member or relative) to watch over you while you sleep, that usually gives me enough comfort to sleep at night. I have alot of my own ideas about coming up with a logical explanation for these problems and Im open to suggestions, my e-mail address is ericoreurek429@yahoo.com
    119. Ben Gray – October 23, 2008 @ 11:18 AM
      Hi Eric, Hang on in there and keep fighting those negative voices.
    120. Heather – October 25, 2008 @ 01:44 AM
      Hi.....haven't been on here for awhile. Thank you Warren. I just wrote to a friend and told her that I'm actually bored. I get bored now because my mind is so free from voices. I never got bored before and watching TV was always an adventure. I always got messages. Now I watch TV in absolute freedom. I LOVE my boredom! I'm so happy about it. lol! You were right, Warren, about the Deliverence Ministries. After my bad experience with one I began to read up on them more. I found that most of them are extremely paranoid of everything (and people like us don't need anymore paranoia thrown at us!!) I found one web site where the guy told you to throw away candles, incense, dolls! I thought, "This poor guy is so paranoid!" Later that evening I was reading in Revelation and it talked of incense being burned in heaven. I had to laugh! My friend asked, "Where are they getting all of this information. Becuz its not in the Bible?" Then I read an article by an ex-deliverence minister. He revealed that they get their info from the demons themselves!! Made me sick to my stomach. They are talking to demons! How horrible! Demons are liars! Look how they have lied to poor Eric. Oh, Eric you just touched my heart with your story. Don't believe them. They used to tell me lie, upon lie, upon lie. I used to be interested in researching about things that you want to, Eric. I thought the voices were being transmitted to me from the outside, too. But I discovered that its inside job! For me anyway. I'm not commenting on someone else' experience. But now that I know this I'm thinking, "Duh! How could I have been so stupid!" I actually wasn't stupid, I told people that I thought they were inside of me, but they told me no. So, I believed them. But its an inside job, always has been. I have two demons inside still. But since I was baptized and had hands layed on me to receive the Holy Spirit they've been put on mute. I praise God everyday about that. And I'm seeking to be set free completely. But no more with people who think they have all the answers. No more deliverence ministers. I talked to the pastor of the church I'm attending. My mother and I have attended for 6 weeks. They are a humble, little church. I think that's perfect. I believe God is with the humble and meek. And no mumbo jumbo, hocus pocus, you have to throw all of this stuff out of your life....no, the simple, humble prayers of God's people is what I want. I've told the pastor I want a simple prayer service for my healing. Nothing flashy. Just simple, humble prayers. He says he's willing to do it. Eric, what I believe is these evil spirits cause a person to fail in what they believe is right and wrong then they taunt them about it and guilt them over it. I feel this is what they are doing to you. If you felt THAT compelled to masturbate, even in your sleep!!! that's not coming from you. My opinion. That's something being forced onto you. Spirits as you said, bad spirits. God loves you Eric! So much! He is pleased with you. I know that sounds odd to say, but its the truth. The Lord is full of compassion and love for you Eric. He sees your agony and how these evil spirits are tormenting you and he is filled with mercy and compassion for you. You need people to help you, pray for you, all the time. I will keep you in my prayers. I'm so sad you've suffered so much. It sounds like you've already sought mental health professionals, so.... I will pray for your recovery Eric. No one knows your thoughts, no women were hurt by anything that you did to yourself or in your own mind. Your mind is your own space. It's all yours and no one else'. I can remember when I realized that. I realized that my mind was my own "Holodeck" - anyone familiar with "Star Trek" they have a "Holodeck" and you can make up anything you want on that deck to have fun. I used that illustration and realized my mind was all my own space to do whatever I wanted in it and no else had any right to it. It's all mine! It was so freeing!They are lying to you, Eric, don't believe them. Don't let them push you around. Command them to leave you in the name of Jesus. When I pray I sometimes say, "I am addressing the Creator God who made the heavens and the earth, the sea and fountains of water." I use a lot of Bible passages in my prayers. I memorize texts. Like Jesus has destroyed the works of the Devil, 1Jn. 3:8; Jesus' death rendered the Devil powerless, Heb. 2:14 & 15, etc. They are SOOO defeated, they just don't want you to know that. Fill your mind with the Bible, its your weapon, its your sword. My friend and I will pray for you every night, Eric and claim promises for you. God bless you, and praise God, because God lives in our praises!
    121. Heather – October 25, 2008 @ 02:32 AM
      This is a poem I wrote last summer when they were hurting me and I had 3 demons. Then I came back to Jesus, learned how to fight them and had one cast out of me. But this was how I was feeling before all of that happened. They were really hurting me then. But now I am filled with hope and have a peaceful. I just wanted to share it....in case it might help someone else. The Unimaginable A Poem I am corrupted My goodness turned into a stinking rot The stench rises To the gates of hell....to the gates of hell....to the gates of hell The child's been replaced by a demon The dreams shattered by a God Sweating, rigid body quakes Hands violate me Images rape me Muscles move me Defiled Controlled Destroyed Organs Limbs Mouth They breathe through me No where to turn No one to help Words Thoughts Emotions Not my own Who can understand Only Anneliese and I The terror The haunting The control Sweating, hurting, hunted down I'm not my own Hostage, victim, martyr, saint The interrogation The inquisition I am exposed Humiliated Just to be alone once more, just to be alone O Lord this is my prayer My God, my God, why have you forsaken me The unimaginable has happened © 2008
    122. Eric – October 25, 2008 @ 11:43 AM
      Heather, thank you for praying for me, it really fills me with hope to know that there are people out there such as yourself that are willing to pray for one another, Ive been struggling with prayer and Im thankful for your message it is helping me to take a step back one more time and to keep trying. thanks-Eric
    123. Heather – October 25, 2008 @ 06:06 PM
      I'm glad I could help, Eric, if only a little. My poem was spaced out in sequential stanzas - like poems are - with no punctuation, like poems aren't supposed to have. But it got compacted into a paragraph on here. So now its a little harder to read. Sorry. :)
    124. Heather – October 25, 2008 @ 06:29 PM
      Hey Eric, I tried to write you on the e-mail address you gave here. But it came back undeliverable. I rechecked it on here and I did write it down correctly. If you would like to contact me I'm at onefourhim@hotmail.com. Anyone else on here can write me on that address as well. God bless you all! :) And thank you Ben for giving us all an opportunity to share with each other and know we are not alone!
    125. Ben Gray – October 27, 2008 @ 10:10 AM
      Dear Heather and Eric, It's very good to see us all sharing stories that help us to fight our voices and demons. It's good that we have faith in ourselves and with a compassionate God. Keep fighting! I liked your poem very much too. All the best, Ben.
    126. Eric – October 27, 2008 @ 03:12 PM
      Dear Heather thank you for the poem and thank you for the advice, sorry my e-mail address came up undeliverable but it is correct, thank you for the support.
    127. Heather – October 28, 2008 @ 03:59 AM
      Hi Eric, my friend was so deeply touched by your story. And we've been praying for you. She said that it was a horror story what you've been through. I told her that unfortunately I could relate to a lot of it - especially the fear. The Bible says that even when we were God's enemies Christ died for us. Rom. 5:10, and that even when we were dead in our sins that God made us alive with Jesus. Col.2:13. And "If God is for us who can be against us? He who did not spare his own son but delivered him up for us all, how will he not also with him freely give us all things? Who will bring a charge against God's elect?" (that's you, Eric, you are God's elect) "God is the one who justifies; who is the one who condemns?" Rom. 8:31. How dare anyone condemn you - you are chosen by God! How dare those spirits condemn a person that God has justified! He saved you when Jesus died on the cross. You are saved, Eric! Their accusations are false! God is rejoicing over you with singing! You are his prodigal son. He saw you in the distance and ran to you and threw his arms around and covered you with his robe of righteousness. He threw a party in your honor. Jesus said that ALL of heaven rejoices over one repentent sinner. Nothing will separate you from the love of God, not "angels, nor demons...nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Rom. 8:39 Fill your mind with the truth of the Bible to counteract their lies. They are liars, don't believe anything they tell you. You are God's precious child.
    128. Eric – October 29, 2008 @ 03:11 AM
      Dear Heather thank you for your kind support and the prayers from you and your friend, Ive never really thought of people that would pray for me, it has touched my heart. Thank you for your support and your support of others, some of these bible quotes I never knew of but I do now, I appreciate them, especially the sentence of "All of heaven rejoices over one repentant sinner", reading this sentence you wrote has meant something special to me because I had never heard of it until now, I am truly thankful that you have wrote these bible quotes down they are very meaningful to me, and thank you for helping me to learn more of things I didn't know of from the holy bible, I said a prayer for you also and thank you-Eric
    129. Ben Gray – October 29, 2008 @ 01:33 PM
      Dear Eric and Heather, That's really good- Thank you! All the best, Ben.
    130. Heather – October 30, 2008 @ 12:44 AM
      Well, Eric, I'm so glad I could be of help! That's why they call the Bible a sword becuz it cuts right through their lies! It's our weapon! The Bible says that God has separated us from our sins as far as the east is from the west. That's to infinity! It says God has blotted them out and remembers them NO MORE. So if you keep repenting for the same sins, God will not know what in the world you are speaking of becuz they aren't there anymore. Like getting rid of your hard drive, your sins are so completely deleted out of the records. You stand uncondemned, "Therefore now, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Rom. 8:1. And if you've accepted Jesus into your life then that verse applies to you! You are completely covered by the blood of Christ AND if you consider yourself a person who is the least in the kingdom of God then you are greater then John the Baptist. That's what Jesus said, that John the Baptist was one of the greatest prophets that ever lived - EVER - and yet "the least in the kingdom is greater then John the Baptist." Becuz in God's kingdom everything that WE value is different. In God's kingdom the first shall be last and the weak shall be strong and the least in the kingdom is the greatest!! Isn't He fantastic!! People might judge you but the Bible says that if you believe in Jesus you will NEVER come into judgment! It's the truth!! John 3:17&18 says, "For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him. He who believes in Him IS NOT JUDGED"!!! You are not judged. Also as a believer you now have authority over these evil spirits! Exercise that authority. Say, The Lord rebuke you Satan, In Jesus Name! You have authority in Jesus name. Just praise and pray to Him all throughout the day, constantly. It's our priviledge to do this! The Bible says that we can come BOLDLY to the throne of God in our time of need. Come, boldly before God and nag him until He gives you what you want! He will listen to you. Jesus tells us to pray and to never give up until we get what we want!! He loves you so much Eric. He wants to hear you talk to HIM all the time. Ignore THEM and just rebuke them and communicate with your Heavenly Father. My friend and I will continue to pray for you.
    131. Ben Gray – October 31, 2008 @ 10:41 AM
      I will pray for you too.
    132. Sally – November 03, 2008 @ 04:18 PM
      My son, who is 18, recently told me he has heard growling several times recently. He also told me he heard a male voice call his name but no one was there. He said he has been feeling like someone is watching him too and can't get rid of the feeling that there is a presence around him at night watching him. It has scared him enough for the past 3 nights he has gotten in bed with myself and his father. He was diagnosed with OCD and ADD when he was about 8 years old and was on different anti depressants most of his life until about 6 months ago. He is now drug free and feels better physically than he has in a long time. He has been plagued with a lot of stomach and digestive issues but I think he is doing better, until this scary presence and voice/growling started... any suggestions would be much appreciated. I love reading everyone's posts and am praying for all of you. It's sad to say, but I always thought hearing voices meant you were schitsophrenic, now I am changing that opinion. I never believed, or would let myself believe rather, that there was a such thing as the devil. I think many of you sound telepathic/psychic as well as being visited by evil spirits. I definitely think a book or trip on Oprah is something you all should consider! Your posts have changed my mind, the world needs to be made aware!!!
    133. Ben Gray – November 05, 2008 @ 11:31 AM
      Hi Sally, I hope your son is feeling better and that the strange noises have stopped. I hope that someone will be able to offer you advice or tell you their story to help you.
    134. Maree – November 11, 2008 @ 10:14 PM
      My childhood boyfriend and I recently reunited after 17 years of separation. He lives a long distance from me and recently came for a visit. We spoke for about a month before the visit. After getting back home, he told me that within the past year he started hearing voices. He describes it as though people are outside his home listening to our conversations and that they can hear everything he and I say on the phone. He also says they try and imitate the voices of people in his life (me, his brother, my dead sister) to fool him into believing what they are telling him. I have read the stories throughout this website and am convinced he is a voice hearer. Unfortunately, he is convinced that he is being persecuted by someone in his town...so much so that he believes this person has hired people to eavesdrop on our conversations and engage in a constant narrative just to torment him. He says that he heard the voices while visiting me 1500 miles away from this person. I am at a loss as to what to do and was hoping someone who has shared his experience can help. He seems to be having a particularly bad time right now (I did not notice anything when talking to him prior to our visit) and at times talks about retaliating against this person. I fear for him and anyone he perceives as a threat. Right now our conversations center around him trying to not give into the satisfaction of allowing this tormentor to ruin his life. His best revenge would to be happy! He is not sleeping because the voices are non-stop. I love him with all my soul and dont want to lose him. How do I (we) deal with his belief that there is someone out there persecuting him? I dont want harm to come to him or anyone around him including me but I dont want to abandon him either. Since telling me about the voices, he has said that I have become his "voice of reason" which has prevented him from retaliating during this particularly difficult time. Please, any advice on what to do and what might have triggered this escalation would be greatly appreciated.
    135. Ben Gray – November 14, 2008 @ 11:00 AM
      Hi Maree, I haven't really any suggestions but just to say hang on in there and give your partner as much support as you can, as his "voice of reason". Love is a great healer! All the best, Ben.
    136. Warren Harding – November 19, 2008 @ 01:07 AM
      Yes, I'm still alive. I blogged to all the top dream sites trying to convince people that some of their dreams may be created. Why is the imagery in our dreams so well drawn? Why is the imagery so well matched to the control of our actions in the dream? As an example if a dream has scarey imagery that will often be matched with an emotion of fear. Why is there often evidence of a memory on the part of the dreammaker, as an example I might dream of going somewhere in one part of the dream and dream of getting there in another part. Even that would indicate a memory on the part of the dreammaker. Our are brains randomly creating dreams with well drawn imagery? With matching imagery and thought control(how odd!). Dreams with plots? We've been having dreams for thousands of years? Feel free to use these facts on people that think you are nuts, or convince them that you are, I offer no warranty. www.telepathicsecurity.com
    137. J – November 19, 2008 @ 07:45 AM
      anyone a follower of Jesus and still hearing voices? My whole life I have been stricken with debilitating anxiety, and since the Lord revealed His truth to me (about 2 years ago), and I have been seeking hard after Him ever since, the voices have been getting louder and nearly impossible to handle. Over the course of my life I have always had strange ways of out letting the incessant NEED to claw my way out my skin and have developed more and more uncontrollable and destructive habits in "attempts" to achieve this. I was unable to leave my apartment for almost 4 months straight last year and would fly into fits of utter dread, depression and hysterical crying sometimes up to every 5 min. or so (all the while hearing antagonizing voices talking so fast I couldnt actually make out the words, however they were certainly reinforcing and/or igniting the episodes). I I thought the Lord delivered me this past April, but then the anxiety slowly crept back in and has recently erupted again. It peaked just this last Sunday when I was completely unable to sit still during my church service that I usually look forward to (with exception of the past few months) because I was seriously crawling out of my skin and screaming inside. I was filled with anger and hatred for everyone (the family I love), and felt like I wanted to burn down the building. I fled out of there and hid behind a wall, and then went pacing up and down the street thinking and saying crazy things. I thought I had really lost my mind this time. By the end of the day I felt like I had been beaten with metal bats from the inside out (especially my head-I could barely hold it up, and THEN, come Monday I was reading my bible, praising the Lord, and overall pretty calm (more than normal even). The story of all of this is actually alot more complicated if you can believe it, but I figure I'll leave it at that and see if anyone has a word for me?
    138. Warren Harding – November 20, 2008 @ 01:27 AM
      HI J. It definitely sounds like you are a victim of mind control besides harassment by voice. I believe emotions can be induced. This is similar to the complete control of us in a normal non-lucid dream but in the daytime. It is difficult to separate yourself from the induced emotion so it can be hard to tell if it's mind control. Dreammakers/telepaths/spirits seem to love mood control. Try playing some peaceful christian music and if you've got any good spirits/telepaths on your side maybe your emotional state can synchronize with the mood of the music. If it works keep playing it long past the point where you are peaceful with it.
    139. donnie – November 24, 2008 @ 07:18 PM
      eric here is something to think about theres a movie called city of angels with nicolas cage as an angel he touched a man in a hospital bed and the man jumped a little nicolas could not be seen cause hes an angel but the man said i now you are there . god sends his angels to look over us and my experiance is i have been very sick and have felt the shock like you discribed and was not sick anymore after not saying its what you felt but thats what has hapend to me .ive been hearing voices about 10 years and have left many of my stories on this site one place i can share openly without being labeled .ive told almost everybody i no but no one can tell i hear them anymore for a long time .ive exepted that i may hear them for the rest of my life but ive done some bad things in my past so i may deserve them i denied that god existed once and the voices started shotly after but ile never denie him again cause he showed me he is real for ive seen him .i have experianced some beutiful things from the lord .the voices are no match .we have to remember that satan is the master of deseption .he cant get in your heart but he cen ruin it from the mind so everyone be careful of his work these voices coud cause us to loose a holy war in our mind if the voices cause bad thouts wether tecnolagy or demons still no better puppet for satan than man gods creation thats satan jod is to make us fall what ever hes doin it is world wide .i could go on an on .i read the stories and just got to get it off my chest so i respond to what i read but all that ive been through i could not tell you at 1 time it would take to much time and space specialy as fast as i type any way for now got to go GOD BLESS EVERYONE .....
    140. donnie – November 24, 2008 @ 07:30 PM
      j, follow warrens advice also saying in your mind this ,in the name of the lord jesus christ i demand you out of my mind ,repeat this a few times ,it wont get rid of the voices but it could ease some preasure ,it works for me anyhow thats what my preacher told me to do after i asked the lord what to do when this hapened to me . hope it workes be strong...........
    141. donnie – November 24, 2008 @ 07:44 PM
      maree. have your guy to read the stoties on this site theres a lot he can learn here about whats going on.i think satans masterpiece is mind control voices that imitate other peaple that you no is to make you angry at them .the voices will sound like peaple he knows he needs to learn not to believe them cause for as long as he dose they wont stop or thats my testimony .share this site with him if his voices tell him not to he needs to do it anyway hes not to let the voices contol his mind
    142. Heather – November 25, 2008 @ 12:59 AM
      I couldn't agree more with Donnie's advice for Maree. Her boyfriend should read this site and come to conclusions that its not someone on his street. A lot of us on here could just about garuntee that. I also agree with Donnie's advice for J. As well as filling your mind with Bible texts and dwelling on them throughout the day. I write them on slips of paper. Texts about Jesus defeating Satan. I truly don't believe that God punishes us for making mistakes but the Devil surely takes advantage of anything. If you go to the web site spiritualcuriosity.com and click onto the "true stories" section, you will find stories similiar to J's. People feeling hatred toward Jesus and anything Christian and feeling like they were coming a part and everything going wrong and then they testify to how they were delivered. Very cool stories - a little scary for some, maybe - but I think very cool. My advice also, confess, reject and renounce any type of activity in the occult. Say out loud, "Lord rebuke you Satan, In the name of Jesus." Pray OUT LOUD. Very important. Say the texts out loud. As a believer you have authority over them. Pray A LOT and have others pray for you - even if your request is anonymous. The Lord is filled with compassion and will hear you. I don't advise deliverance ministries though....But like Ben says keep fighting and NEVER give up hope! God bless you all.
    143. Annie – November 25, 2008 @ 03:44 AM
      About 8 years ago I had this weird thing where I would... space out for a lack of better words. I could feel it coming on and my mind would wonder to these random two people who would talk to each other back and forth. I have no idea why this would happen to me, and it would take me a few minutes to recover after it happened. I litterally would slip into a weird zone when these conversations in my head would take place. I don't understand what this was. I had not been experiencing anything traumatic at the time. I did not recognize the people who I actually saw in my head who were talking, and I have no idea what exactly they were saying. My body would freeze up and then my mind would go towards these people. I have wondered for years and years what the hell was happening to me and why this occured! I have tried to ask people about their thoughts but they think I'm crazy. This situation happened probably a total of 10 times before ending. Any thoughts or ideas?
    144. Heather – November 25, 2008 @ 05:00 PM
      Here is a story from spiritualcuriosity.com. I picked this one to post on here because it talks about voices and communicating with them in the form of an "angel". This man's name is "Richard". This is not my story. I copied it from that web site - I post it here to help others................. - - - - - - - Richard's story - "I am writing to you concerning my experience with spiritual possession. I am a 39 year old, post graduate professional. I had moved to Idaho in 1996 with my then wife and son. We bought a home and then happily had our second child, my daughter, in 1998. I am also a professional musician. I had much success in Boise as a side-man for a name act. However, I decided that I was going to build a successful band of my own (which I did). We encountered resistance to the outfit at first at local area clubs. It was then that I sought counsel with "angels and spirits" to "protect and guide me." I was leafing through a book about angels at Borders one lunch time. The book suggested that one may contact "your" angel by reaching out and asking its name. Something responded in my mind and identified itself as NPQ. It told me that it was there to protect me, guide me, to help my family and so on. From there, life started to change. Actually, very rapidly. I began to speak things to co-workers out of turn: threats etc. I even cursed my beloved bass player one evening. Oh, the pain of those words, especially for her. Then of course, I became increasingly confused. I started to have thoughts of murder, harm, extreme hatred, hatred of Chirst and all that was good. I had visions of hurting my daughter, killing my wife etc. All the while, NPQ, whom later revealed its name (I am frightened to even type the word, but I will, Narpinquonis) kept insisting that it was protecting me. I voluntarily admitted myself to West Valley Medical Center psychiatric ward since I could not control my own thoughts. I was treated for "severe depression with associated OCD". OK, be that as it may, but after leaving the hospital four days later with a prescription for prozac and a weekly counseling session, I sensed that I was not myself. I then was subjected to a variety of accidents, a car accident, overwhelming anxiety etc. From there, my psychiatrist suggested that I see a Christian counselor. I did. He suggested that I read the "Bondage Breaker." It was then that I found my way to "deliverance." However, the way was not easy. I tried to let Christ into my heart on my own. That was when the nightmares started. Horrible nightmares. I recollect dreams of firestorms, violent windstorms, the death of friends, finding myself in "combat" situations with friends and childhood heroes etc. Then my marriage started to breakdown. It was only though the kindness of my friend and fellow musician that I was able to hold myself together. She even pointed out that I carried a blackness about me. One afternoon, sitting in my car, waiting for my bandmates to arrive prior to a rehearsal, I tried letting Christ into my life. I often felt hypocritical about this, since I was raised Catholic and have often had problems with the Church's dogma and hocus pocus. I tried as hard as I could to cast off the spirit. I succeeded in getting it out of me. I saw a shimmering black shape, as black as any void you could imagine, hovering just behind me, almost laughing. I was not free of it. It merely left me perhaps for a day or so and then returned. This time, I was subjected to a "roaring lion" voice in my mind. I don't know what that was to this day. I shook it off. At my lowest point, I sought a friend who brought me to a Christian Church. I was taken before the minister. I have no recollection of the "exorcism" other than being asked if I would let Christ into my life. I kept trying, but another "being" kept speaking through me, in a harsh cruel voice, and told the minister "NO." I wanted it to go. I wanted it to leave me alone. It was 12:30 a.m. when I came to. I had an immense bruise on my head, apparently from being tossed into the wall. I recall hitting my head, but not feeling any conscious pain. I recall the minister asking me if "they are gone" and if I let Christ into my life. I have, with all my heart and soul. This was almost two years ago. The odd thing about the possession was that I willingly let it happen. I wanted "power". I wanted to be assisted. I was aware of the spirit; I knew it was with me. I am now divorced ; Isee my children. I am in communication with them.;I know my heart is clean. I feel free and light. I do experience depression now and then, but the debilitating OCD symptoms, the horrible nightmares, the ;hideous use of anger, the verbal attacks on my friends, have all stopped. The depressions I had experienced earlier in life were minor and easily treatable. This was no depression. You could equate anything I am relating to you as anecdotal and easily explained away by the DSM IV as axis one classic depression. I consider this a classic case of possession. Please warn others not to;tamper with the spirit world. The hardest part of this is, and many do not understand this: you must willingly let the "demon" into your life. It is insidious. It wants "you." It wants your entire being. It wants to give its own consciousness form. It seemed to function for one purpose. That was to give me a determination (and talent beyond my physical ability to play the guitar). Interestingly, I GAVE IT JUST WHAT IT WANTED. It took my body, my God given talent, and used me to its own complete and selfish ends. It extinguished love in my life; it would have extinguished my life to achieve its own desires and ends. It almost did. I now live in another city with my fellow musician and have not been tormented by this spirit ever since. However, I am on guard, always."
    145. Faithful – November 27, 2008 @ 02:12 AM
      Hi. i have read all the stories and just had to comment. i do not hear voices and have not experienced the hell so many of you have had to face. but you know what? How much more stronger are you now? How much more do you know about this world now? a curse can be disguised as a blessing! Although i have never experienced any of these things...I BELEIVE YOU! and i am so sorry that the rest of the world made you feel so outcasted! I am so sorry to those who have suffered and those that are suffering. I praise all of you for your strength and your stories! i have always believed deep in my heart that when people hear,see,feel what others do not, and it deeply disturbs them- that it is satan! it is him! For all of you that are suffering, not just from voices, but depression, anger, jealousy, envy, hate, lust, etc.. it is NOT YOU! it is him- whispering in hear ears.. trying so hard to get to your heart- AWAY FROM GOD! DONT LET HIM!!! God's love for us is beyond a love we can comprehend. He will reach out to you, he will cure you, he will answer you... BUT IT IS YOU THAT MUST ASK! Keep telling your stories! EXPOSE SATAN! BRING HIM INTO THE LIGHT! because if you dont- than he remains in the dark, just where he wants to be!
    146. Ben Gray – November 27, 2008 @ 02:28 PM
      Good to see that we are sharing our experiences and stories, which will hopefully help us to cope better and more insightfully with our voices.
    147. Heather – November 28, 2008 @ 07:44 PM
      Hi Faithful, You may never come onto this web site again but I thank you for reading our stories and for your encouragement. I can tell you that most of us on here have asked and asked and asked God to help us. I've been praying for 20 years. What I've discovered in the Bible though is - contrary to popular opinion - that the people who were being afflicted NEVER asked for help. You may read the Gospels and the book of Acts and will never find a story where those afflicted by demons asked for help. The people around them did. It was the followers of Christ around the afflicted who in fact did the praying. That's what I keep waiting for. For the people of God to step up to the plate more efficiently! I guess our do-it-yourself motto here in the western societies is highly entrenched.....But thanks for your sweet comments anyway...
    148. Ben Gray – December 05, 2008 @ 02:42 PM
      I think that there is also a line in the Gospels that says that if you feel that you are being persecuted by Satan or any evil force that you should rejoice because you are fighting for God and therefore are saved. It's good that we are strong and brave enough to share our stories and the faith that we will try to get better and cope more insightfully with our voices. All the best to everyone.
    149. Ben Gray – December 11, 2008 @ 01:58 PM
      'Hearing Voices: The Personal Stories of Voice Hearers'. Intervoice and Ben Gray are putting together a book on the experiences and stories of hearing voices. The emphasis is about all sorts of voices and voice hearers and all sorts of points of view and personal journeys. What did the voices say? How did they make you feel? What was the reaction of family, friends and mental health professionals? If you would like to contribute to this book, then please send your story to the email below. You should try to write between 1- 10 pages on your experiences (300- 3000 words). All profits will be donated to the funding of Intervoice. If we are going to change and improve voice hearers' lives, then your stories are the first place to start. Please email: voices2009@hotmail.co.uk
    150. Heather – December 11, 2008 @ 04:00 PM
      How exciting! I will be sure and get my story into you!! I'm thrilled by this! And, Ben, I loved what you posted above the announcement. I totally agree....but I had forgotten lately and was quite discouraged. Thank you for reminding me to rejoice in my sufferings. And YES! I am definitely saved. My voices are gone but I am still not free of demons. I don't know why? But your statement has renewed my faith to rejoice and keep trusting and praising God! Thanks for the encouragement. (Remember even John the Baptist - one of the greatest prophets of all time - became discouraged and questioned if Jesus was really the Messiah. Its normal for us to become discouraged through trials and persecution, but God knows that "we are but dust" and does not fault us. This is why encouragement from each other is so precious - thanks for the encouragement!) God bless you all! :)
    151. Heather – December 11, 2008 @ 05:58 PM
      Ben, on the stories for the book. When you say 1-10 pgs. Did you want double spaced or single spaced? Usually stuff like this is double spaced but I just wanted to make sure. Thanks :)
    152. Ben Gray – December 15, 2008 @ 02:35 PM
      Intervoice and Ben Gray are collecting people's stories and experiences of hearing voices. If you'd like to contribute, please send 300- 3000 words (or more, if you like) to: voices2009@hotmail.co.uk
    153. Ben Gray – December 15, 2008 @ 02:37 PM
      Hi Heather, Just to say you can write as much as you like. God bless.
    154. donnie – December 23, 2008 @ 11:10 AM
      ben ,ive got the testimony your looking for .if i give you my full story its adding up to a life time . how much is to much?
    155. Ben Gray – December 30, 2008 @ 11:38 AM
      Hi Donnie, Thanks. Write as much as you'd like and take as much time writing it as you want as the book won't be coming out until late 2009 at the earliest. 3000- 5000 words is a good target (10- 25 pages). Please email your story to: voices2009@hotmail.co.uk
    156. hailey – January 20, 2009 @ 04:35 AM
      my nephew has been hearing voices for several years now he owned a tow company and he says his ex partner keeps track of him with wireless internet and satelite he says he is able to do this because he was a cop and has this capability he says the guy is mad at him because he has lost all of his money in a deal they had for a tow company my nephew says the man has nothing to do but sit on his computer and mess with him all day. he hears the guy talking and saying all kinds of terrible things my nephew sometims thinks his girlfriend is in with this man he also thinks his family hears this man too we dont he cant go 5 minutes without talking about this man always echoing in his head giving him a headache my nephew went from owning and running his own tow company to barely being able to get and keep a job at one he blames this man for every thing wrong in his life hes so convinced of all this its sometimes hard not to believe it he certainly believes this man has all this capability and power whats wrong with him and what can i do to help him
    157. Warren Harding – January 20, 2009 @ 12:18 PM
      Hi Hailey. The voices I'm fanmiliar with love to imitate people and get people going after the wrong people. Get your nephew to consider that his voice may be lying. Don't consider your nephew to be insane or mentally disabled. The voices I'm familiar with are real and intelligent. Possibly synthetic telepathy or some similar technology.
    158. Ben Gray – January 21, 2009 @ 02:47 PM
      Hi Hailey, People who hear voices often hear them from the television set or even say the voices are being beamed to them through electronic devices, such as light bulbs, electric plugs and sockets, the internet, etc. I don't really have any suggestions of how you can help your nephew, but there are various internet dicussion forums where you can talk about things (including on Intervoice). I just wanted to say that hearing voices from the TV or computer isn't unusual and is quite common for voice hearers.
    159. donnie – January 23, 2009 @ 03:42 PM
      hailey i believe you should share this site with him and let him see hes not the only one with this problem ,i always say satan is the master of deseptoin .theres no simple way for most of us voice hearers to explain were these voices come from .for me i wont take the meds to not here them i just dont want to be messed up i been ther done that so i would rather hear them .but many times in the early stage it would sound like peaple i know evil and deseving to do this to someone .tecnolagy is just over a 100 years and look how far weve came .i lived in apartment complex once the peaple up there were cusin me i went up there and there was no one there thay came up behind me .if it was very loud like at a dam the voices came from the raging water i sleep under a fan cause of ringing in the ears they come from there but they sound to be disapointed to be living with me now cause i do nothing to get rid of them .i just dont care now .i might not no how to act if i didnt hear them .for as long as these voices contol his downfall . get him to read here if you can once he comes to terms that its not who he thought they were the voices will find another way to mess with him there diging in our memory i could wish this on no one its the most evil ive ever experienced my compuer has a habit of shuting off in the middle of texting so got to go for now gl with this.have him to read here it could be just begining ....GOD BLESS...............
    160. Heather – January 30, 2009 @ 01:39 AM
      Hi Hailey, I believe its demons. Has your nephew ever done anything - even remotely - with the occult? One thing Warren, Ben, Donnie and I do agree on is that this voice your nephew hears is not that guy he thinks it is. I thought someone I knew was talking to me and that his wife got in on it and eventually his whole family. Sounds very familiar doesn't it? Eventually, I found - quite by accident - this guy in a chat room. He didn't know it was me, but I found out a lot from him, the biggest thing that he barely was even aware of my existence! I think I was able to run into him because I had prayed so much about this situation and I think God answered and allowed me to find out that I was being tricked by these voices. Your nephew is being tricked as well. The voices lie. That's all they do is lie - but they'll mix enough truth in to get him to believe. I'll pray for him. I think Donnie's idea is a good one, send him to this web site.
    161. Ben Gray – January 30, 2009 @ 03:40 PM
      Yes, I agree that looking at the Intervoice and Asylum web-sites would help both your nephew and you. There's also Mind Freedom: http://www.mindfreedom.org/
    162. daniel scott – February 04, 2009 @ 09:58 PM
      I have found relief by taking medication. I haven't heard much talked about how meds play a role in keeping us healthy. I admit I haven't read every post. Anyway my voices drove me to a nervous breakdown five years ago. I was studying ancient Norse mythology and eventually I began to hear Odin and Thor among others calling to me, but in a negative way. Telling me how useless a warrior I am and how I'll never earn a spot in Valhalla because I was too weak. It made me want to hurt people and myself. Long story short I was hospitalized five times all together. The meds they started me on made me shake and feel horrible, but with time we got them straightend out. I was diagnosed as schizo-affective and take Lithium, wellbutrin, and Invega. Invega is the anti-psychotic. I hear the TV or radio when they aren't on still but the scary voices have been muted to a much lower level. Knowing the gods wouldn't harass me in such a way helped too. It has been 13 months since I was last in hospital. Is it difficult to get meds where you are? I live in the states.
    163. Ben Gray – February 05, 2009 @ 01:38 PM
      Yes, medication is good for some people and can help with 'primary symptoms' (such a hearing voices). Unfortunately these meds have side- effects (such as tiredness, poor concentration and weight gain). Some say meds are 'toxic' and harmful in the long term (my meds effect liver and kidney function). What I've tried to do is decrease my medication with the approval of a psychiatrist (from 500mg to 150mg) over 3 or so years. Other people do not respond very well to medication, so alternative approaches (such as counselling or a psychological approach) might be better for them. My approach has been to take meds, while decreasing the dosage, and also try out new things such as voice hearers groups and the Intervoice web-site.
    164. Heather – February 26, 2009 @ 03:32 AM
      I tried Invega. I only took it once. It had the worst side effects on me. My legs hurt so bad that just my small cat rubbing up against them sent me into excruciating pain. I could hardly walk. The intense pain went away after one day but it took almost a week for my legs and feet to feel normal. I couldn't put my feet up for a few days - it made them feel weird, like no circulation, they were ice cold all the time. It was a scary experience. I was afraid I wouldn't ever feel normal for a few days there. Drugs are scary stuff. I would try everything before taking those types of meds. They're like the last resort to me. If I keep up a strong prayer life I have no trouble functioning right now. I'm thankful for that. I know that doesn't work for everyone. I was praying this morning and had a most profound thought come to me...that Jesus identifies most with the least of these....that's how I feel sometimes.....like a least. But Jesus identifies with people like us the most. :)
    165. Corey – March 01, 2009 @ 08:28 AM
      I'd like to comment in regards to what people are doing to help this fledgling industry. Here is a letter I sent for homework to my UPC course administraitor: My aspirations for UNI and life closely relate to my life experiences. I have always been interested in creative writing, so last year I commenced with the creative industries class, but at the time my creative ideas were getting too much for my parents who suggested I go see a psychologist. I'd been reading too much Carl Jung and Holistic stuff etc on the internet, and had been doing a certain amount of speculation on my own, and what came out was likely uneducated rabble but it scared them. What I subsequently discovered was a fledgling industry who had no real idea what I was going through or how to help me besides sedating me with medication with too many side effects to number. It was a horrible experience that I'll never forget. What I'd expected from the professionals was answers to all the questions I had, and instead got condemned as having schizophrenia - no answers. The main reason I believe for their perception that medication could help me was due to my "voices," something I thought everyone experienced and enjoyed as an excellent part of life, I'd never complained, but the most amasing thing was that the medication never stopped these voices - they could no more do that than stop the rustling of the trees. So, I'd discovered these three things: 1. Most people don't experience what I experience. 2. The professionals certainly don't experience what I experience and have no explanations or higher learning to depart on one who does, to help them to understand and better use their gifts. 3. The professionals want to suppress what I have with medication. *I'd like to note now that I have no social problems or criminal records. I'm not disputing medicating some people, but I have a demographic now that I now feel responsible for and I must change how they're dealt with. Through research I discovered that most of the major psychologists of antiquity had their own perceived psychosis' and were possessed by the motive of redeeming themselves, and in effect coined many new ideas which were previously unheard of or thought of - and what better way to learn about schizophrenia than by having it? The main concept that stuck with me was that of synchronicity. It seems that it is still a fledgling concept, one that needs now an exploration of all the forms of it - a concept that people also need to understand beyond the paradigm of a benevolent God and a Satan, effect being people no longer believing themselves possessed of demons. Schizophrenia is, in essence, seeing patterns where none exist. The problem is - these patterns do exist. I believe it is the current culture to learn about these things personally and in an adult way to keep from being accosted, or to protect the children whilst they're at school who have more important things to concern themselves with. I've never heard anyone talking about these things I know besides through metaphor and inflection, but I think it's time for the world to change. What I intend to do is conjoin a knowledge of therapy with syncronistic theory, quantum mechanics and holistic sensibilities. I believe I'll finish some kind of doctorate - choosing my way through the minefield of units as I see fit - then write books with the skills I've acquired over the years. I don't intend to remove the name of schizophrenia from people with the symptoms, I wish only to remove the stigma of it being a sickness and instead open it up as an ideal, a way forward, a further understanding of life and spirituality - a genetic mutation perhaps? What comes out may not be an in depth study, but more an overview of the many elements that come into play with the knowledge people like me wish to acquire and I think I'll have a better understanding of what those things are in some distant future. The problem I found was that when I mentioned I had voices to the professionals they ticked a box and forced me to take medication, threatening a community order. What choice did I have? The ensuing weeks found me uncommunicative, inarticulate, shy and scared to leave my house, unable to listen to my old music and radio station and complacent about my studies. I dropped out of uni when I saw that I would fail from my inability to find the motivation to complete my unit tasks. The medication wasn't effective for any problem that they'd percieved I had. Now, only through slyness and manipulation rather than requests and negotiation, I'm off the medication. I've found that zest for life again, am out and about again, and have grown and learned a lot about how to deal with oppression. I was unable to finish my creative industries course, but now I'm on a new path that is more important and will ultimately be more rewarding. Perhaps there is a God. -------------- What drove me to show you this today is a dream last night I had, and its relation to my belief that these voices were not demons, a belief that has been shaken as a result of this dream. It started out as me fighting through some Oblivion type computer game with the avitars of a forum I'm part of. First, we were hunting through a dungeon, looking for these enemies called "parents," who were alien type zombie looking mutated things. What we were to do was slay them then suck their blood to raise our level and power before we went on to the next dungeon. What would happen was we would suck their blood then a feverish sleep would hit us, then we would rise later with much improved strength. The next dungeon turned out to be my mothers shed, so we took my mother along and entered through its back door with the puppies to help us. We entered and I begun swinging my sword at some evil hounds, but I quickly noticed that one of our puppies, the one with the red eyes, was fighting with them, and in my swing I was cutting his muzzle. I tried to encourage him to fight the evil hounds, thinking he was confused, but he was deturmined - though ultimately no threat to any of us. Recognising this more domestic problem I decided the tackling of the dungeon was better left to a better time, so I scooped up the puppy and took him outside. I begun talking to the puppy as dog owners often do, asking him what he was doing, trying to explain to him that he was on our side, and was a little suprised to hear him kind of talking back to me, howling to be rejoined with the evil hounds so that he could destroy us, but was more concerned about the fact that he was so confused. At this point mum gave me an update about what she was going to be doing for the next hour or so. For the puppy with the red eyes I took the approach of dicipline rather than coaxing because it hadn't previously worked and I zipped him up in a small soft pecil case of material that one finds wetsuits to be made from. I remembered the treat system, and said that I would give him some food, but only a little, and he cooned cutely "food." I had found the key. I put some food in the pouch and then he started talking strangely, so I put my ear up to the pouch and then my mum's voice hazed in, saying: "Oh, I was wondering when we would find a channel. We can speak together through this puppy, Corey." And in that dream like way I believed it. But then it started repeating what my mum had told me earlier, about what she was doing for the next hour or so, but with some slight, odd changes. Then I heard that my mum was outside talking to the other puppies and not infact communicating with me through this puppy. I freaked. "MUM, MUM! COME HERE RIGHT NOW!" And I explained what this puppy was doing, and dispite my belief that this puppy could be saved insisted that it was evil! Pure evil! I shook myself awake and lay there in the soft morning sunlight and thought to myself, that puppy was evil. What a nightmare. Then the voice spoke clearly and more articulately than it usually did, "and how am I any different?" - almost as if it was insulted. It launched on one of its childish annoy sessions in which it made anoying sounds and I realised - this voice is like the puppy! I must say now that my voices can be horrible but they can also be one of the best things about my life. I find that if they're being naggy I just have to do something useful instead of lazy and they become pleased and affirmative for a while - since I discovered this I have been constantly on the move. (I find them positivly joyful when I find the time to write.) I have for most of the morning been concerned with how to help my puppy, the voices, my constant companion (whom I used to think of in terms of master-gone-wrong or under-developed-human-capability) and susiquently found this site. I realise that it must be a global problem, one relating to the human condition and the violence one sees everywhere on the news. Maybe the only way to help our voices return to us is to clense the world, by helping our fellow man, by being good to ourselves and making a difference in our own lives - by giving them food. In my perception they are (metaphore) fallen angels possessed and feverish with filth, not reflections of thoughts in our own heads or the thoughts of others around us like I believed them to be before. I don't think we can take a scientific approach to this one. I believe that peace will be the cure to our (and their) affliction and I hope to God that I'm not wrong.
    166. Ben Gray – March 05, 2009 @ 02:11 PM
      Hi Corey, That was a really interesting account and I must say that my experiences of mental health professionals and medication were very much like what you had to go through. I especially agree with your last sentence: "I don't think we can take a scientific approach to this one. I believe that peace will be the cure to our (and their) affliction and I hope to God that I'm not wrong". Thanks for your message.
    167. Heather – April 07, 2009 @ 07:37 PM
      Wow! Corey's dream was amazing. Yes, they always reveal themselves. I'm not sure why, but I think that Corey is right - they are fallen angels - not reflections of our own thoughts. I couldn't agree more. Because I am far better of a person then these entities that inhabit me. They are, in fact, pure evil. I am not. And that is comforting. As unnerving as it is to think that these voices are coming from some evil force or creature, I think its more disturbing to think that one's own mind is making up these things. I could totally relate to the puppy imitating the "mum's" voice and then Corey discovers its not his mum speaking. That's what happened to me - only it wasn't a dream. These "voices" pretended to be someone else. Turns out it was a lie. They spoke to me as my best friend - claimed it was telepathy - but she confirmed that it wasn't her. (She helped me find my way out of this whole deception - I owe her a lot) It makes me sad to hear about people being forced to take drugs just becuz they hear voices. Here in the U.S. I've told lots of mental health professionals that I hear voices for years. They don't care. Just as long as I'm not going to commit suicide or murder. No one cares if you hear voices - the Dr.'s I mean. Could be different in different parts of the country, maybe. I woke up this morning very sluggish with no energy. I prayed to God and commanded the demons to not do this in the name of Jesus. The sluggishness left me. If I am cooperative with them they can be nice. If I'm not cooperative they aren't nice. But even when I am cooperative they eventually turn on me....so I am NEVER cooperative with them anymore. Now I am in control and not them. God has empowered me. Through prayer, lots of prayer, by me and other people. It's really cool. My goal is to get them out of my life completely. I'll let you know when that happens. :)
    168. Donnie – April 09, 2009 @ 06:33 AM
      heather i hear yah ive been hearing these voices for 10 years when i dream some times they seem so real and what they do is abomination i couldnt do such a thing its not my nature .any thing making loud noises the voices sounds loke its coming from there but its in my head.im used to it .in the days i wasnt they were having such a good time with me but now the rest of my life its there worst mistake being here so long for now GOD BLESS VOICE HEARERS..................
    169. Ben Gray – April 09, 2009 @ 10:31 AM
      Hi Heather and Donnie, Yes- The voices are pretty awful and the dreams seem very real and horrible. There's a lot of apathy and prejudice that voice hearers face, so keep fighting.
    170. Heather – April 16, 2009 @ 05:01 PM
      I pray for the people on this page quite often.....especially Ben, Donnie and Warren and a few others who's names I remember and then I'll say, "and everyone who has written on there." It's not just what the "voices" (demons) say to me, but its the emotions they put on me. I've come to be able to distinguish these crazy emotions they put upon me. Sometimes its very subtle. But very strong. The other day I felt strong shame over something I had written on a web site.....but I shouldn't have felt any shame AT ALL - it was ridiculous. I knew it was coming from "them", so I said, "I scoff at you and your stupidity!" And the feeling evaporated instantly. I used to always give in to these stupid emotions they put on me - but not anymore! I've been having more victory in this area lately becuz a friend of mine has been praying for me throughout the day. Both her and I just keep saying a simple prayer, "Lord, take these demons out, In Jesus name." I've had SO many prayers answered. Some took years.....but they were answered. This may take years too.....who knows, I hope not. But I will not stop asking until I am free - and I know I will be. I also pray for God to let me distinguish between my thoughts and "their" thoughts and my feelings and "their" feelings. Every day I claim Isaiah 61 for myself - go through each verse and apply it to myself. They used to have me so under their control, so wrapped around their little finger - I believed everything they told me and had so much confusion in my mind. Not anymore!! I see things so clearly now. Their power over me is so broken. It's hard for me to convey it in this blog! I couldn't even watch T.V. without everything - including the commercials - speaking to me and telling me things and foretelling the future to me. It was horrible and very stressful. Now I can watch anything I want to and nothing speaks to me - its so wonderful. I actually feel normal sometimes - HA! But I thank God everyday for my freedom - and for the freedom that is coming! God bless all of you!!
    171. Warren – April 16, 2009 @ 10:41 PM
      Thank you for your prayers Heather. I'm going to buy a neurophone so I can broadcast sounds into news reporters heads and attempt to explain what's going on. I think I get extra flak for trying to explain this to people, it's been almost nonstop voices for the last 3 days. I bought www.synthetictelepathy.com.
    172. Donnie – April 18, 2009 @ 04:39 AM
      thanks for the prayers heather 1 thing we can count on GOD hears our prayers .WARREN i believe you know about this thing the federal government has called little brother.big brother has been around since the 1940s or at least thats what i heard DR J VERNIN MAGEE say in a 5 year bible study i hear often on khcb raideo its a christion brodcast station he past away around 20 years ago give or take a little but his teaching continues and big brother he says is the right hand of satan thats what he says.why wouldnt little brother be any diferent.in florida they had this thing that they were leting peaple check out it was a small stick about the size of a chop stix and u bite on it with your back teeth and you can hear a transmition VOICES this devise goes in your teeth and the vibration is how you hear them .this was before i heard voices in my head so if they have stuff like that im not suprised about the stuff they dont want us to know.my voices used to say never under estimate the power of the federal government but man the power of GOD thats inpresive not the federal government now that they seen what GOD has shown me they dont say that anymore they have seen power GOD has shown me.its know compitition.i realy believe its tecnalagy on the side of satan.it is some evil shit this hearing voices the things that they say the things they show me in my dreams to think peaple are like this i see it on tv and read about it in the news paper.i geuss what im saying is that if someone peaple are doing this to us they dont know what the hell there doing we are not suposed to do bad things to peaple.sometimes i just think alot i might be doing that now hee hee but i love my GOD .....so GOD BLESS AGAIN......till next time.
    173. Heather – April 25, 2009 @ 07:14 PM
      You're welcome. I believe prayer is soooo powerful. It connects us to the power of God. And who could be more powerful then that?! I know mine are demons. It's not just voices, they do all kinds of things to me, to my body. Its pretty horrible. They move me around, etc. Hurt me physically. But the Lord is with me. I can't interpret anyone else' experience, just my own - that's what this web site is all about, right? I feel "they" were trying to kill me yesterday. I think becuz I have expressed so much faith that I will be delivered from them. They were torturing me yesterday, trying so hard to derail me and my faith. Putting me in physical agony all day long. Oppressing me with feelings of hopelessness. I can remember one blog from Dr. Ben a while back that said to rejoice for suffering for Christ. So I did. I do believe that I am suffering for Jesus because if I cooperated with them they would not hurt me in this manner. I know this to be true becuz I used to cooperate with them. But I can't cooperate any longer. I don't want to give in to them. And so this makes them very angry. But I know God is with me and loves me and will answer my prayers. I'm thankful for this site......makes me feel I'm not alone. Thank you for reading and "listening". Send up a prayer for me. God bless you all.
    174. Donnie – April 28, 2009 @ 06:48 AM
      Heather we are family .in the eyes of GOD we are all his children .i want you to try something i dont know if this is a good ideal to tell you this but it work with me long ago close your eyes remember a bad ass headake you may of had once and try to amagine it being worse than it was imagine haveing your air took away from you just think that your gasping for air it doesnt hurt to try this but my voices can feel this they simply do not ever try moving me no more let me no if it worked but imortant if it does try not making a habit of it its just so they will back off this worked for me but still ile probably hear them till death do us part take care
    175. Heather – April 30, 2009 @ 02:26 AM
      Thanks for the advice Donnie. I just tried that and they didn't seem to like it. Interesting....
    176. Ben Gray – May 02, 2009 @ 10:51 AM
      Dear Heather, Donnie and Warren (and All), Thank you for you kind words and prayers. Try to remember that demons, voices, telepathic messages (or whatever might be hurting you) come from bad things, events and even people. Don't take too much of a burden on yourself or blame yourself too much, as I often have. It's the wolves that come for the innocent and the lambs, but they can't win.
    177. Ben Gray – May 02, 2009 @ 11:04 AM
      Hi everyone, I just wanted to say that I suffered from hearing really loud voices between 2003-2005 (they're only whispers now). The voices (for me demons) kept me awake, gave me terrible dreams and shouted at me through other people. The medication, voices and internal sickness I felt nearly destroyed me, but with the help of family, friends, medication and more importantly for me prayer, I have almost 99% recovered. It's a mad world too, but there are good people who will try and take your hand and help you, so seek them out (you'll know who they are). I recovered, so remember it's little steps to any journey of recovery and what makes you happy. Take care, Ben
    178. Donnie – May 02, 2009 @ 03:51 PM
      thanks ben your aways here to respond i hope that some o the peaple that pass through this site come back to chat if there hearing voices out here in my life theres no one to relate to most have heard that i hear voices but from my daily routine they cant tell so they forget that i do from time to time i may mention it and they ask you still hear them and i tell them yeh my mom she dont say nothing my brothers they just think man he must have done alot of drugs and at a time i used to been clean 6 years june 1 im not [roud of what ive done but verry proud of defeating them i have so maney friends that keep going to jail if not dying.im not proud of what ive done but i wont hide it if i can warn anybody of the problems that follow i will if they will just listen .they just donton othher sites of intervoice i try getting them to come hear i wish we could all meet some time that would be so cool to actualy talk to someone face to face with someone that has the same problem heather the way you explain your life with them sounds like my life in the past its so like me but what i told you to try works for me no matter how mad they are at you its your mind time to take control and kick some voice butt if you ever want to talk outside this site you can contactme at don9sutt@aol.com got to go for now i check this site every time i turn on my computer GOD BLESS.............
    179. Ben Gray – May 05, 2009 @ 12:04 PM
      Hi Donnie and Everyone, Thanks for all your kind words and support of me and each other. Unfortunately, after I went to church last Sunday, the voices and demons came back, not as strong as before but still very hellish. I also feel that they are giving me electric shocks and slapping me invisibly on the head. I fear it will not be long until they take me into hospital. It seems the wolves are gathering around me, as they are around all the innocent, weak and those with faith. God bless. I have and will be praying for you and hope that you will pray for each other and me.
    180. Donnie – May 05, 2009 @ 03:43 PM
      ohh ben no i hate to hear this i dont no nothing about you except we have the same thing in comin we hear these dam voices i used to feel them touching me when i was awake and with my eyes open in the begining but it was so strong i started amagining slaping myself cuttting off my hands and just bad things i made a habit of it cause it seemed to be getting back at them it was just as if they were feeling it i kept hearing the voices but the touching stoped there was the 1st time i felt them they had me terified i was lying down and i could feel hands all over me pulling me down through my bed i felt fingernails on my face this i tell you is true so help me god but the touching stoped when i stated thinking like i described but the bad thing is that contiuise bad thoughts is abomination i just learned that not long ago after so long of doing it so i only recomend doing it if it will stop the touching nothing else
    181. Donnie – May 05, 2009 @ 04:03 PM
      ,,,,,,,,,cont.i couldnt do my job while taking the meds so i stoped i was taking geadon and zoloft i have children so i had to deal with the voices were i work its loud so the voices are louder there than hear but my world is loud i have 4 children huh my world is loud since my being saved i no the lord is who keeps them as quit as they are but there still heard just not as loud i think im louder to them than thay are to me they say im there worst mistake and tell my to please get them out of my head aint that crazy why would they be hear in the 1st place i have i dont no how many voices thay used to try and imitate others but that stoped doing any good long ago its as if thay have children growing in my head like someone having tecnolagy in my head for entertainment or it used to be fun for them now for the slaping if you dont mind me asking are you asleep when being slaped or awake or does it wake youeither way this is for dam sure evil anyway try praying the words in the name of the lord and comand them to leave you alone wont hurt to try it woks for me i still hear voices but if thay ever do touch me its when i sleep .Ben i realy hope you beat this bad done turned to worse if your thinking hopital i got to go MAY GOD BE WITH YOU...........
    182. Ben Gray – May 06, 2009 @ 10:19 AM
      Hi Donnie, I've had the same voices, with slaps on the head and all the bad dreams too. I guess Satan wants us to feel afraid, lost and scared, and not to help and love one another. My prayers are with you. All the best, Ben
    183. Ben Gray – May 06, 2009 @ 10:19 AM
      Hi Donnie, I've had the same voices, with slaps on the head and all the bad dreams too. I guess Satan wants us to feel afraid, lost and scared, and not to help and love one another. My prayers are with you. All the best, Ben
    184. Ben Gray – May 07, 2009 @ 10:37 AM
      The voices can also come in all horrible forms: racism, hatred, lust, violence. All we can do is pray, try to help and love one another, and hope that the demons go away. God bless you all.
    185. Donnie – May 07, 2009 @ 06:44 PM
      for me its like living in someone elses mind just not seeing what they do all the time
    186. Heather – May 09, 2009 @ 02:59 AM
      Oh Ben, I'm so sorry! I just sent up some strong prayers for you and will continue to do so. I believe that they are hurting you becuz of your confession of faith and telling us that you are 99% better. I was attacked after sharing my own strong faith that I would be delivered completely. They hate this and try to destroy for our confession but remember that they are doing this to people all over the world - maybe in different forms but people are persecuted terribly for their faith. I am going to pray for you Ben and will try to contact my friend tonite to pray for you together. Two or more people praying is VERY powerful stuff! Don't let them make you afraid - claim those promises. "Thus says the Lord, Even the captive of the mighty man shall be taken! And the prey of the tryant shall be rescued! For I will contend with the one who contends with you and I will save your offspring!" Is. 49:25. "Since the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise also partook of the same, that through death he might RENDER POWERLESS him who had the power of death, that is, the devil; and might deliver those who through fear of death were subject to slavery all their lives." Heb. 2:14,15. "For you have made the Lord, my refuge, even the Most High, your dwelling place. NO EVIL WILL BEFALL YOU, NOR WILL ANY PLAGUE COME NEAR YOUR TENT." Ps. 91:9-11. And finally...."Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy. Though I fall I will rise; though I dwell in darkness, the LORD is a light for me." Micah 7:8 God bless you.....I will be praying.
    187. Donnie – May 09, 2009 @ 08:37 AM
      Heather very well said .Ben every time someone in here made a comment you made one in responce cause you care .we care also so we to have to respond .you are saved so you are never alone you have JESUS in your heart .he"s there so you are not dealing with these voices by your self he see's and feels what you do so you aint alone with this .you all are in my heart and my GOD knows that is the truth and my GOD is your GOD i realy do think about yall on my free time .anytime hear of someone dying or have lost there life i just wander if they were saved did they believe so they will go to heaven .this place is so real.Ben ive heard you say this, KEEP FIGHTING...and for GODS sake do not fear evil im praying for you to be better .even if you go on hearing voices its just noize and nobody is any better ohh and for demons ile tell you there just getting in deep trouble cause one day your going to be turned loose on them and there going to pay trust me on this i dont know the bible very well but im learning its like tortering a chained dog some day the chain is coming off . TAKE CARE.........
    188. Heather – May 09, 2009 @ 04:31 PM
      I have been praying for Ben, I called my friend and we prayed together last nite. Then prayed with my mother for you Ben. When my friend and I pray we bind the demons in the name of Jesus and loose the person. We also command the demons to be cast out of the person. This is all in the Bible. Also we come in agreement with each other to throne of God - BOLDLY! This is all in the Bible. We have power and authority over the demons in Jesus Christ. So by faith we are believing that our prayers are having an effect. We have seen so many answers to our prayers that we have no doubts! Ben, be thou loosed in the name of Jesus Christ!
    189. Heather – May 11, 2009 @ 06:02 PM
      "For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of love and of power and of a sound mind." I can't remember where this is found in the Bible but I prayed it for YEARS. I claimed it over and over and now I have absolutely no fear of them. And do feel that I have a sound mind. So I am claiming this for Ben - no fear and a sound mind. I know the Lord will answer. I'm claiming all kinds of texts for you Ben and praying for you. God's love and blessing upon you.
    190. Donnie – May 13, 2009 @ 07:31 PM
      Ben ,havent heard from you in a few days now .realy would like to no how you are doing.
    191. Heather – May 13, 2009 @ 11:51 PM
      I've been worried too. I've coming on here every day to see if Ben made a comment. Would love to know if you are doing alright Ben. But coming on here has helped me right now, I am thankful for that. My family knows that I believe I am possessed. My nephew was just at the house (we're only 8 years apart so he's more like my brother) and he joked about possession in front of me. It really stunned and offended me. I've been sitting here wondering what to do with the situation. I thought that it would be the same as someone joking in front of a woman who had been raped about rape! I was very upset becuz I suffer a lot with this. But then I came on here and realized that Ben could be facing going back into the hospital and I realized that I should be thankful that I'm just getting insensitive jokes told in front of me - could be a lot worse. People could be locking me up......so I'm counting my blessings now. It's really helped me to put things into perspective. Even though I'm in pain things could be a lot worse.
    192. Donnie – May 19, 2009 @ 06:05 PM
      heather ive been checking everyday to let me ask you how long have you been hearing voices i now you probably have said before.it looks like ben took that big step and went to the hospital . he must have had it realy bad .mine had phisical contact in the past but what i told you to try with as experiment stop it must have the phisical contact stoped after. every now and then i mention that i still hear them and my daghter 14 said you still hear voices so i know nobody can tell in the begining days peaple could tell something was wrong my voices used to tell me to go to the hospital but were not suposed to take orders from EVIL FORCES and were NOT TO FEAR THEM i dont do you fear them are you getting stroger cause i did they have zero power just wanted to say GOD BLESS.......................
    193. Ben – May 20, 2009 @ 11:28 AM
      Dear Heather and Donnie, Thanks for your prayers. I have been praying for you too. I pray that you can control your voices and demons and cast them out. It is good that we care and share Jesus' love for one another, that is the most powerful thing. I've been feeling terrible, but we're not alone. My thoughts and prayers are with you. God bless!
    194. Donnie – May 21, 2009 @ 10:22 AM
      Ben, good to hear from you .ive read and had my say on other sites here in itervoice but this is 1 site that ive had some one to talk to i would never tell anyone out here all the things ive said in here my experiances ive tryed before but you can tell when they look at you they think your crayzy.we know we hear voices .i know how bad these voices can be .i hope you get better i look forward to hearing from you heather and warren when he does but aint heard from him in a while .take care all GOD BLESS........
    195. Heather – May 21, 2009 @ 08:37 PM
      Oh, so good to hear from you Ben....we've been worried about you! Well, Donnie, I've been having trouble with these types of things for about 21 years. So far I think I've got the longest experience of anyone on here......I could be wrong about that. I have ABSOLUTELY no fear of them now. But it didn't start out that way. Terror was the word. But for four years I claimed 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love and power and a sound mind." I would claim this promise all the time for four years. And God answered becuz I have no fear now......I'm SO grateful for that! Struggling with this while having fear on top of it would be too much! I am DETERMINED that they will be cast out. I am not taking no for an answer!! I believe this is why they are "manifesting" so much physically. If I didn't fight it would go back to the way it was before and I would have an easier time of it - HOWEVER then they would just stay in me and reak havoc on my life.......I refuse to do that. I am filled with hope right now. I was screaming out to God to help me.......I told Him that I needed more people to help me. Now I have more people. A friend of mine directed me to a pastor who takes spiritual warfare very seriously. He's going to have his "prayer warriors" pray for me. I know God will win.......He is all powerful.......I really believe that He wants people to call upon His mighty power in fighting this battle with me...... Some days if I wake up at 6am I'll make my coffee and pray until 7am. Then I feed my cats which only takes a few minutes and then will pray until 8am. Then in the evening I might pray for a 1/2 hour to an hour - depending. That may seem excessive to some but I have a terrible foe......I need God's power!! I'm desperate! But now I'm getting help from others......I'm so happy! Anyway, Ben, I will continue to pray for you. I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. God bless all of you!
    196. Ben Gray – May 23, 2009 @ 10:54 AM
      Thank you for your kind words and prayers. I have prayed for you both (and all of us) and know that God shows his pity and mercy on all who suffer. There is also a good email group for voice hearers that might help, they're very nice and supportive: voice-hearers@yahoogroups.com
    197. Heather – June 01, 2009 @ 08:04 PM
      Hi everyone....hey Ben, I just wrote to the voice-hearers yahoo group that you have above but I really don't know how it works. How could it be a group if you only have your e-mail that you send??.....I'm confused. I'm not sure how group e-mail works. Anyway, I'm feeling down today.......but I know it will pass. Sometimes I feel very alone in my fight. I wish I could surround myself with brothers and sisters in Christ but I know that most would not understand......this is what I have found anyway. I hope everyone is doing good.
    198. Donnie – June 04, 2009 @ 08:24 AM
      heather what would be nice if we had peaple in our every day life that heard voices like we do but for some reason it dont hapend its as if there keeping us seperated from face to face comunication i new some one who did hear them u might not think this is right but my voices started at an eleagle game room with 8 linner machines i was in some bad things so was my freind i was offerd a i fixed me a foutin drink and sit it by my machine i was playing and got up to go to the rest room left my chair leand on my machine so no one would get it when i retured peaple were looking at me strange and the lady next to me watched me take a drink she looked at me so weird when i noticed she was watching she turned her head as if she didnt want me to notice and someone in the room said to another she wasnt no snitch that she was minding her own business that she wasnt saying wat she seen someone put something in my drink i could tast it i just drink some of it before i went to the restroom and it was fine but not wen i returned it tasted funny and peaple were staring this lady kept saying little brother is whatching usat the time i didny no what little brother was but listening to christion raidio i heard dr j vernom mcgee bible scoler talk about big brother being the right hand of satan so i would think the same about little brother also the right hand of satan big brother with 1 helol of an upgrade all the peaple hearing these voices so many i believe you can rest a sure there is something big and something evil going on world wide and this is just the begining my friend ate a plate of food at the same arcade were i had my experiace i head voices right after drinking that coke the lady stood right in front of me and coverd her mouth like she didnt want me to drink it i ask wats rong she didnt tell me my budy went to play and a woman brought him a plate of food it was a good looking plate and he said he didnt want it but she insisted i be dam if he didnt hear them dam voices to but i cant speak to him couse he just wouldnt back out of the criminal life and is in prizon for a long time but they called them self little brother and the fedaral government is the right hand of satan
    199. Ben Gray – June 04, 2009 @ 12:13 PM
      Just to say that I'm praying for you all and hope that you all recover. God bless!
    200. Eileen – June 04, 2009 @ 08:15 PM
      Wow...lots of reading. I felt very alone today and found this site. I have been hospitalized 17 times in the past four years...a totally embarrassing fact I share with no one. My voices are vulgar and accusatory. They demand things from me...sometimes stupid things like moving a glass on the table, sometimes vicious things like taking a blade to my skin. I often have a lot of visual flashes too...don't know if they are intertwined. I know when I am in church the cursing and damning get loud, so I doubt if their good voices. I tend to stay away from people, sometimes I repeat what the voices say without conscious...it just blurts out. It's a freakin lonely life, and I really am trying to distance myself from psych bullcrap. I stopped meds, and have had my brain back since...but the voices, they are so loud, so degrading, so manipulative. I don't know how I can ever learn to live with them, but I know I am off psych meds for good. Not sure about counseling anymore, since the least mention of a suicidal voice gets me sectioned, even I have no plans of following it. Wish you could talk about anything in therapy...but not that way at all. Sorry to be long winded.
    201. Donnie – June 05, 2009 @ 08:40 AM
      Eileen u can speak freely in hear u got 7 years on me the voices are in our mind so no dougt its evil. GOD realy does speak to my heart for many years i heard peaple talk about him speaking to there heart i didnt realy no what that meant but theres a big diference in the voices in our mind than the lord in our hearts please do not let them control you mind control is the most evil weapon satan has against us mentaly it couses some peaple to hurt others or them self i cant posibly tell you every thing they have shown me in my mind some of the dreams what they do its abomination its like children of satan they comit abomination like i couldnt explain to no one and i tell so much in here .what they show me is not of my heart i no my heart i could never hurt anyone like they do i put myself in a position and ask myself could i take a job and make peaple hear me in there head i no i would be so evil to do such a thing my voices were so loud i would hear them from anything that made noize and when it was quite i could hear them in the sky bible study quiting drugs god silenced them a lot but not all the way i have let them get to me and my thoughts got away from me and i amagined to much evil myself and GOD aloud them again for 9 days then he silenced them again he speaks to me and he will speak to you if you seek that anyway coment anytime its almost like an invisible family in here your welcome .....GOD BLESS...............
    202. Ben Gray – June 08, 2009 @ 12:29 PM
      My voices also get worse when I go to church and pray, which reminds me of the parable that Jesus said: that as soon as someone gets a small bit of faith the devil appears to take it away. Keep praying, hoping and have faith, God and our prayers together are more powerful than the demons and voices. Put all your trust in God and good people, so eventually you will be delivered. God bless and peace of Christ be with you all!
    203. Heather – June 09, 2009 @ 02:28 AM
      I believe its possession. I told God that it makes me angry becuz they say things I wouldn't say out of MY mouth, think thoughts that I wouldn't think in MY mind, feel things that I wouldn't feel in MY body. It's not right! Yes, they absolutely try to take away our faith.....so I've learned not to trust feelings and thoughts. I try as much as I can to throw them off. It's hard sometimes. The other night I was praying and feeling really down. But then I decided NO, and started to praise God and speak the scripture out loud and the feeling faded away and I was victorious. This happens all the time. But I get tired of the fight. I sometimes like to read the psalms where the writer is complaining to God about their enemies being allowed to hurt them. But I know one day its all gonna turn around and I will trample down my enemy! This I can't wait for and pray for it constantly. I wrote a bunch of scripture passages on the computer and printed them out and cut them up into the individual passages. I keep them in a box and every night I am trying to take them out and claim them one by one. In Jesus name...........God bless you all.
    204. Ben Gray – June 11, 2009 @ 12:04 PM
      God bless you and keep you safe Heather!
    205. Stas – June 15, 2009 @ 11:39 AM
      Minsk, Belarus. I had a problems with some people on the area where I live. This bad girls and boys scoffed on me and made me hearing voices. It's just a play for them. which pasts for 8 years. And they will not stop until make me oberdint
    206. Heather – June 15, 2009 @ 08:50 PM
      Thanks for that little word of encouragement Ben. It's weird but just that little bit really helped me this morning. Felt down again. I can't find a job. I can't find a church that I feel comfortable in. My life is pretty dull right now. I know that will change and I just must hang in there and persevere in all my searches and efforts. I know my prayers will be answered becuz they have been so many times in the past! I sent up a prayer for Warren.....haven't heard from him. These demons can get us all confused in our thinking, we have to stay level headed and dwelling in reality. The reality is the voices are liars! It's not people tapping into our brains. The voices pretend to be people but are not. We have to keep checking in here to this place to not get deceived by the voices. We have to help each other out. Let's stay in reality! Sometimes they want to give me delusions that I will be someone being interviewed on a talk show in the future. Sometimes I think its just wishful thinking becuz I'm trying to become an author and everyone likes to daydream. But other times I think that they are just up to their old tricks becuz they used to really deceive me with stuff like that before. So I have to watch even my fantasy's becuz they'll take advantage of that. I've learned I have to stay in the here and now and take one day at a time and be grateful for my blessings. Thank you Ben for providing this page where we can all come and share and lift each other up!
    207. Ben Gray – June 16, 2009 @ 01:11 PM
      Dear Stas, There's a saying of Gandhi's: "First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you... Then YOU win!". Keep fighting and remember you're a better person than them and the voices.
    208. Ben Gray – June 16, 2009 @ 01:15 PM
      Hi Heather, My thoughts and prayers are with you (and with us all). I'm feeling a little better now and am thinking of setting up a hearing voices group locally, where people like us can discuss our problems. Are there any support groups in your area? They might help you talk through your problems and give you advice on how to cope better with the voices and demons. God bless you, always and forever!
    209. Ben Gray – June 18, 2009 @ 11:56 AM
      Hi Heather and everyone, Just to let you know that I have about 12 scapulars (like religious medals). If you'd like one posted then get in touch (they're free). My email: voices2009@hotmail.co.uk
    210. Donnie – June 18, 2009 @ 05:20 PM
      i can think a lot of things when it comes to these voices i geuss its because i have so much dam time with them 1 thing is for sure they dam sure EVIL............
    211. Ben Gray – June 20, 2009 @ 12:23 PM
      Hi Donnie, Yes my voices are demons and very cruel and evil. All the more reason to pray and help others in jeopardy. God bless!
    212. Ben Gray – June 20, 2009 @ 12:24 PM
      I've spoken with two angels (as well as a rank of demons who are horrible and say disgusting things). The 2 main things that I remember the angels saying: "Don't forget you're not the only one suffering down here, Ben" and "All the little children go to heaven. You should see how happy they are!". The angels told me that there's no hunger, tiredness, illness and thirst in heaven (You never get hungry, thirsty, ill or tired, because you are filled and alive with the Holy Spirit). Sounds crazy, I know- I was an atheist up until 2003, but the angels encouraged me to pray for everyone. Maybe we all need a miracle? Keep fighting for the good, Ben
    213. Ben Gray--- Angels – June 20, 2009 @ 12:36 PM
      I've spoken with two angels (as well as a rank of demons who are horrible and say disgusting things). The 2 main things that I remember the angels saying: "Don't forget you're not the only one suffering down here, Ben" and "All the little children go to heaven. You should see how happy they are!". The angels told me that there's no hunger, tiredness, illness and thirst in heaven (You never get hungry, thirsty, ill or tired, because you are filled and alive with the Holy Spirit). Sounds crazy, I know- I was an atheist up until 2003, but the angels encouraged me to pray for everyone. Maybe we all need a miracle? Keep fighting for the good, Ben
    214. Warren – June 21, 2009 @ 11:36 PM
      Thank you for your prayer Heather. My voices have been crazier than ever. I'm speaking some good ones. Hang in there everybody.
    215. Ben Gray – June 22, 2009 @ 01:51 PM
      Hi Warren, Hang on in there and keep fighting. You and our fellow voice hearers are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. Keep fighting- There is always hope and a journey to recovery.
    216. Heather – June 24, 2009 @ 03:13 AM
      You're welcome Warren. And I'm thankful for your prayers for me Ben. That's amazing that you were an athiest until 2003! Wow! What a transformation! I was very depressed last night. Texted a friend who said they would pray for me. Today I have felt so much better! Thank God for prayer.....have had so many prayers answered. This morning had a such a victory. I realized that the demons are only God's tools to make me a stronger, better person....and that God is in control of everything. He is Soverign! Really lifted my spirits.....I've been feeling very down the past few weeks but today has felt like a turn around. God bless you all!
    217. Ben Gray – June 24, 2009 @ 12:37 PM
      Hi Heather, Thanks for your great faith, courage, perseverance and prayers. I am really glad that you are feeling better! I have been in touch with a girl via a voice hearers web-site/ email group (voice-hearers@yahoogroups. com) and she said exactly the same thing: That the voices (or demons) are just a way of God testing us and bringing us closer to Him. I've also been in touch with the Daughters of Charity, based in Dublin, and they said that God is far more powerful than the demons and to put all our trust in Him. God bless!
    218. eva – June 30, 2009 @ 07:14 AM
      Hi all I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia one year and half ago I am under antipsychotics and antidepressant. I think I heard the voices when I was akid but I didn't know that it was in my head. I have been raped when I was a child I have post traumatic stress disorder and a lot of anxiety and like panic attacks every evening. Three years ago I have been visually agressed by my neighbour, since that time and for eight months every night I had my body burnt and tortured like some experiences on my body (being raped, needles in my leg,amputations...)it was if someone dangerous, a demon sometimes like and eagle( a mythological figure) devours my entrails. I felt someone, a bad spirit was in my room touching me or on the roof It was horrible I was also like a soldier in the war with fight around me, blood and fire it was the hell I was thinking I was going mad and didn't sleep so much. I didn't have the voices at this time. I was in France ( I am french) at this time and decided to come to australia far from all this nightmare, for one year I have been find but One year and half ago after a lot of stress I started hearing voices of my friends and family when I was alone there were very distressing and critical voices I also thought that I can read in the mind of my friends like telepathy. During a trip in the outback I had vision of aboriginal people in levitation who said that he protected me I was really scared because I was feeling like people around the tent. I thought I was a medium^^lol One night the voices was so loud and I felt very sick trembling and pain in my belly I decided to see a doctor he told that I had schizophrenia. I don't here the voices with the medication but I have side effects and I feel not the same not really me. My partner wants to leave me because I don't have desire with the medication and I don't want a child like me.He thinks I am weak. I feel so lonely. I am atheist but I start to change and to think that if I have seen the evil it's maybe that god exists too. I think it was all like spiritual experiences. I am happy to find this website and see that I am not alone.There is hope and recovery is possible!
    219. Ben Gray – June 30, 2009 @ 12:09 PM
      Hi Eva, What a terrible story. You have been in the wars. Keep yourself safe and keep fighting the voices. Draw on the strength of family, close friends, carers and good mental health professionals who you admire and get on with. I was an atheist too until 2003 but can assure you that God hears you, loves you unconditionally and sees your suffering. Keep fighting! God bless and protect you
    220. Donnie – June 30, 2009 @ 08:12 PM
      Hi Eva, just to add i was a believer since i was 15 or so i thought i got on drugs somewere around 10 years ago and then told my wife 1 day that our planet was just the right distance from the sun and that GOD was just a comfertable and peacefull way to die the voices started after that and i new better i could of killed my family had they believed me im glad ive since then seen the light we all my family believe and slowly but surely 1 by 1 is seeing him ive seen satans evil power and ive seen GODS i wish that every one could see what ive seen when it comes to GODS power the voices loose from that very moment still some hard times i still hear them 24 - 7s but they just dont mess with my emotions like the early stages satans the 1st looser in the universe he will someday pay 4 wat hes doin to us i sugest you get saved and experiance that power he will put something inside your heart you will never want to loose and never will iether give HIM that chance GOD BLESS.............
    221. Ben Gray – July 01, 2009 @ 12:15 PM
      Faith, perseverance, prayer and goodness are very strong and powerful qualities that God has given to us. Sustaining loving and caring relationships, with our families, friends, people who help us and even loving ourselves, is a blessing and a grace. Whether you believe or don't believe, God is with YOU. So are people (who may not believe) who genuinely care about YOU and the welfare of others.
    222. Heather – July 03, 2009 @ 03:03 AM
      Thank you so much Ben! Yes, God is so much more powerful! Prayer is so powerful. When I start praying everything changes. When I start claiming promises in the Bible everything changes. My feelings, my thoughts. I have more energy. I have peace. Donnie is right, if you open up your heart to God He will become your friend and you'll never want Him to leave! He is our only hope against these terrible demons. I was reading about Jesus today. When He was on the cross and how they mocked Him. "He claimed to be God's son, why doesn't God help Him now!" they said. It comforted me to know that Jesus suffered like this for me. Becuz people like us go through so much shame with our voices and demons. But Jesus went through so much shame too. He knows how we feel. He loves us just as we are. He has compassion on us. Even when people don't have any for us....He always will. He is close to those who are afflicted and are outcasts. If you feel like an outcast He has so much compassion for you. Cry out to Him and He will hear you. God bless you all and thanks for the encouragement!
    223. Ben Gray – July 03, 2009 @ 01:43 PM
      Hi Heather, Great to hear from you. Have you considered joining a voice hearers' e-mail group (voice-hearers@yahoogroups.com). Prayer is very powerful indeed, but so is loving our neighbours and other people who suffer (from hearing voices). Here's the web- link, in case you're interested: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/voice-hearers/
    224. VOICE HEARERS' FORUM (Ben Gray) – July 03, 2009 @ 02:00 PM
      This is a very good forum for voice hearers and they are very nice and supportive: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/voice-hearers/
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